I am the proud owner of a Nintendo Wii, and wii are very happy together. Thanks to all of my friends through this difficult time searching for one. Your faith finally paid off!
Playing: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess on the Wii
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Saturday, December 9, 2006
Goin' on a buzzard hunt...
The title of this blog is an inside joke. And the only person in on it is me. You'd probably be bored with an explanation anyway. But I was amused!
So here I am, home in Phoenix. I'm supposed to be on Recruiter's Assistance leave for this past week and this coming week. However, I didn't even have to step in to my recruiter's office until yesterday for about 30 mins. So far, looks like I'll only have to work this coming Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday while he's out of the office, so I can help the new recruiter. Not a bad deal! And the weather? It's about 75 degrees right now. I'm wearing shorts. Eat your heart out! The winters are why Phoenicians 'weather' (ha, ha) the summers. And if we want snow, we just have to drive a couple hours north to Flagstaff. Oh yeah, it's awesome.
Oh yeah, and this one falls under the 'Being Military Has Its Benefits' category. I was looking around for a gym to join for the month so I can work out while I'm here. I called up this higher-class club I used to work at as a personal trainer, just to see what a month's membership would be. I explained my story to the sales guy (that I was military and here on leave, blah, blah, blah--just so he knew not to waste his time on a long-term contract sales pitch). He just said that he was former military and that he could give me a one-month free membership, and 'Merry Christmas'. Does it get any better?
My search for a Nintendo Wii is STILL proving fruitless. Damn Nintendo. Damn them to hell!
I'm missing having my own Internet connection. My parents have dial-up--I know. It sucks. But, it's better than nothing. And I found a couple of cafes with free wireless. One of them is run by this Korean couple. Oh yeah, I laid the Korean on them. And boy, they laid it back on me!!! The wife told me to come back often for practice. Oh I'll be back.
That's about it. Sounds kinda boring, I'm sure. But I'm relaxing. It's nice.
Listening to: New Skin For the Old Ceremony by Leonard Cohen
So here I am, home in Phoenix. I'm supposed to be on Recruiter's Assistance leave for this past week and this coming week. However, I didn't even have to step in to my recruiter's office until yesterday for about 30 mins. So far, looks like I'll only have to work this coming Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday while he's out of the office, so I can help the new recruiter. Not a bad deal! And the weather? It's about 75 degrees right now. I'm wearing shorts. Eat your heart out! The winters are why Phoenicians 'weather' (ha, ha) the summers. And if we want snow, we just have to drive a couple hours north to Flagstaff. Oh yeah, it's awesome.
Oh yeah, and this one falls under the 'Being Military Has Its Benefits' category. I was looking around for a gym to join for the month so I can work out while I'm here. I called up this higher-class club I used to work at as a personal trainer, just to see what a month's membership would be. I explained my story to the sales guy (that I was military and here on leave, blah, blah, blah--just so he knew not to waste his time on a long-term contract sales pitch). He just said that he was former military and that he could give me a one-month free membership, and 'Merry Christmas'. Does it get any better?
My search for a Nintendo Wii is STILL proving fruitless. Damn Nintendo. Damn them to hell!
I'm missing having my own Internet connection. My parents have dial-up--I know. It sucks. But, it's better than nothing. And I found a couple of cafes with free wireless. One of them is run by this Korean couple. Oh yeah, I laid the Korean on them. And boy, they laid it back on me!!! The wife told me to come back often for practice. Oh I'll be back.
That's about it. Sounds kinda boring, I'm sure. But I'm relaxing. It's nice.
Listening to: New Skin For the Old Ceremony by Leonard Cohen
Saturday, November 25, 2006
My Agnosticism--In 4250 Words
One of my friends asked me recently what an agnostic is and how I came to become one. She had known me nearly 10 years ago, just a year or two after I had become a born-again Christian and when I was very active in church, Bible studies and mission trips. We had lost touch over the years, but thanks to the miracle of myspace we have been able to catch up a little. When I received her email a week or so ago asking me those questions, I decided to reply in blog form because a couple of my other friends have also asked or commented on my blogs that I've written about religion. In answering this way I hope to address her as well as the others who have asked and/or commented, to reflect on my own beliefs and how I came to them, and to provide a context for people to (hopefully) better understand where I'm coming from with whatever else I may write on this subject.
First of all, the term 'agnostic' is a Greek term that means, literally, to 'not know', and it usually pertains to religious beliefs. There are those that call themselves 'theistic agnostics', who lean towards some basic belief in the possibility that God or gods may exist, but don't commit to specific beliefs or dogmas, and 'atheistic agnostics', who do not. There are probably others, but who cares? ;) I am just an agnostic, in the simplest and strictest definition of the word--I don't know if there is a God or not. Some definitions I've read online go a step or two further and say that a true agnostic believes that it CANNOT be known if there is or isn't a god(s), but to me that's as much an irrational faith statement as any religious profession of faith. So I don't go that far. It is also not my desire to remain an agnostic (despite what it may seem by my criticisms of the religions I have studied), which also places me somewhat outside some of the definitions of the word that I've read online. But that's fine with me. It still seems to be the best way to describe where I'm at spiritually.
Next, how I came to be one. As far back as I can remember, I have had a fascination with God, the afterlife, and even the occult. Until my parents' divorce when I was seven, I was an unconfirmed Roman Catholic, thanks to my Mom and her family. My Dad was raised a Protestant, but until I was 11 he was much more an agnostic than anything. I think he even told me he was at some point. My Mom wasn't a strict Catholic or anything. Her beliefs at that time were more common with many other Catholics I have known--believe what you want, but go to Mass every Sunday. I have vague memories of her telling me about Jesus Christ and God, and it was from her that I first heard that God loved me, and so I loved God.
As I said, my parents divorced when I was 7 and, though my mother won 'religious custody' of us, we rarely went to mass after that. Mostly because both my parents had to work their asses off to support themselves and us kids. There was simply no time or energy. My Dad had always been a movie buff, and it definitely rubbed off on myself and my siblings. When my dad made the not-so-wise decision to try to juggle his construction day-job with going into business for himself and starting a video store (they were just then becoming all the rage at that time; his business failed after two years), and raise us kids all at the same time, all there was for us to do was watch movies, and watch 'em we did. Especially horror movies. Around this time, I developed a weird fascination with the movie, The Exorcist. I had never seen it--I was not allowed to-- but I had seen clips of it on tv, and it both terrorized the hell out of me and mesmerized me. I was completely freaked out about getting possessed by the devil. It's funny now looking back on it, but at the time I was absolutely terrified. That stayed with me for a very long time. I eventually read the novel that the movie was based on, and then when I was around 12 or 13 (I think), I finally watched the movie. It's still one of my all-time favorite movies. But the concept it portrayed, that there was a God, and that He would create a being that would become His own worst enemy and reek havoc on all the rest of His creation, just baffled me. And you don't have to be exposed to a horror movie like the Exorcist to be introduced to such a concept, you simply have to read the Bible. Despite my confusion, I still had my basic belief in God--He just didn't make sense to me. And I was alright with that, for a while.
As I entered my adolescence, my Dad (who had always had a strained relationship with each of us kids at best) had become a born-again Christian, and my Mom had remarried and gained the means to support herself and any of us three kids that wanted to live with her. So, I moved out of my Dad's and in with her and my new step-father. I lived with them from 6th grade till 11th grade, and went through all of the trials of teen-agerness with them. I got my first job at Little Caesar's Pizza Pizza when I was 16, and looking back, it was a very interesting experiences. Mostly because, in high school, everyone is very 'cliquey' and separated, but at work, you work with kids that go to your school but that you don't normally talk to. And there you are, all wearing the same uniform and having to work together. I worked there for a year, and really had a pretty good time. I met this girl that I really liked a lot, Janeen, and we hung out a lot together, which lead to us going out. We kind of started getting into astrology together--lightly at first, and then I really got into it. Eventually, I drew up my own natal chart and started doing my own horoscope. I had figured out that I was a Libra with the sun in the 11th house, with a Scorpio rising and the moon in Cancer in the 8th house, and blah, blah, blah (it just keeps going). I stayed in that phase for a couple of years I think, into my senior year of high school when I moved back in with my dad and my new step-mom, because I was no longer getting along with my Mom and Bill (my step-dad).
As I mentioned earlier, my dad had become a born-again Christian, and his new wife was a devout believer. Even so, they respected my beliefs--and my Dad (hell, my whole family) new that there was no point in even trying to force me to do anything I didn't want to do. I'm EXTREMELY bull-headed with a sharp rebellious streak, so they did very well to not push their faith or church on me. They offered, but never forced. And I actually got along quite well with them for quite a while ('till of course I turned 20 or 21 and I was over-staying my welcome).
For Thanksgiving of '95, my Dad, step-mom and myself went to Houston, TX to spend the holiday with my step-brother, Terry and his wife, Tracie. I was not prepared for the life-changing decision I would make during that trip. I had a very nice time, and we met up there with my step-sister Carrie and her husband at the time, Richie, from Los Angeles. I think we were there for like 4 or 5 days and on one of the nights, Carrie put on this 4-hour seminar video called (something like) "Rock 'n Roll Sorcerers in the New Age Revolution" for us all to watch. It was basically this evangelical pastor's presentation about how the most famous singers of the 50's to the present day were influenced by Satanic elements, if not Satan himself. This sounds ridiculous, at least it definitely did to me at first, but as the video played on, the guy actually weaved a pretty good argument. For an 18 year old's mind anyway. He convinced me. He presented written interviews, biographies, and video footage of the singers talking about their beliefs to support his argument. He showed that many of them (Elvis, the Beatles, Led Zeppelin, the Rolling Stone, Jimi Hendrix, Sting, etc.) had stated an interest, if not a firm belief, in the teachings of people like Aleister Crowley, Anton La Vey, and Madame Blavatsky, all well-known Satanists and/or Occultists. Carrie had played the video hoping to convert Tracie, my step-brother's non-Christian wife. Ironically, after the video was over, it was me that ended up having this insanely long conversation with Carrie and Richie that ended with my conversion at about 1am, if I remember correctly.
That night I went to bed feeling great, having found God and all. I knew that being a Christian was going to be particularly difficult for me (astrology was out, among other things), but that was in God's hands. I had always prayed, and believed in God, but I had never really had a structured belief system, and I think it felt good to finally find that. In my experience, occultic beliefs like astrology are really just big mind games that people willfully play on themselves and others. They're very flexible--not structured at all. That's why they are a con-artist's haven.
Anyway, the next morning we were to hop on the plane home, and before we left for the airport Carrie asked me if I had told my dad yet. I hadn't, because I really didn't think it was that big of a deal. But when I told my dad and step-mom on the plane, they both sat forward and looked at me with the biggest looks of shock on their faces. It was like out of a sitcom, and I was just waiting for the cheesy laugh-track. None played though. I got home and did the Newly-Converted-Christian Spring Cleaning that new believers do--throwing out everything that was part of my heathen past. I was converted Thanksgiving night, and baptized on Christmas Eve. I went to my dad's non-denominational church for almost a year, but it was really too big for me, so I found a smaller Southern Baptist church through a Bible study group that met at Mesa Community College, where I was taking a few college courses. I got pretty involved there, meeting a lot of interesting people that I liked a lot, doing the Bible study thing, and going on mission trips and retreats.
In doing all of this, I became very interested in the differences between the many Christian sects and denominations. Particularly, I was most curious about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (and a little about Jehovah's Witnesses). The LDS Church is largely vilified by all other Christian sects because it blatantly claims to be the only true Christian church, and that it restored the true gospel that the other churches had lost or corrupted. And though it has become less and less so with the rapid growth of the metro-Phoenix, AZ area and all of the multi-culturization that comes with it, the Mormon church has a significant presence where I grew up and used to live, and I have had countless Mormon friends. I wanted to better understand the differences between it and the other Christian denominations. So, I started reading and researching. Oh so much reading and researching. I read a little of the Book of Mormon, a little of the Doctrine and Covenants and Pearl of Great Price, went to a church service, went to their Visitors' Center at the Mesa Temple a few times, spoke to missionaries, read books by ex-Mormons who had left the Church, and books by Protestants who were against the Church. Finally, I was working at KFC at the time, and I became friends with a new delivery driver named Loren. He was a great guy, and he was a Mormon. We would get into these long, deep, sometimes-heated-but-always-respectful discussions about our respective faiths, and I was slightly disturbed by the fact that we both had so much conviction in our beliefs, yet we believed in many different things. Through that friendship, I realized that strong conviction was not sufficient to determine the truth of one's beliefs, nor was it enough to convince someone else to change their beliefs. Eventually, it wasn't even enough to justify my own beliefs to myself.
So, since my faith was based on the claims of the Bible, I turned my studies there. I read the famous books (famous within Christendom, that is) by Josh McDowell, "Evidence That Demands A Verdict", and several others by him and other authors like F.F. Bruce. McDowell bases his faith on what he feels is strong early church tradition that the disciples were executed proclaiming the risen Christ, since people tend to not be willing to die for proclaiming the reality of events that they know did not occur. Further, he defends the historical reliability of the Bible, and even addresses various other Bible criticisms that I had not even been introduced to up to that time. And to his credit, he regularly encourages the reader throughout his books to further research the various subjects he tackles on their own, and not just rely on his findings. I also read C.S. Lewis' autobiography, and several of his philosophical works. I read two books by people claiming to have originally set out to disprove the Resurrection, but ended up being convinced it happened (Who Moved the Stone? By Frank Morison, and The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel). Oh yeah, and the Bible (How could I have forgotten???). Well, I read the New Testament several times, and the Torah and a few other books of the Old Testament. This is just a handful of the reading that I did. I went on a couple retreats, met with my pastor, had discussions with fellow believers, and went to a large convention or two. On top of all of this, I prayed. I prayed so much. And it was sometimes very helpful, in that it allowed me to relax and refocus as I searched.
But to no avail. I was getting increasingly frustrated during church services and distant with my friends. I knew by then that my conversion, like most people's, had been a very subjective one, and I wanted it to be based on more objective premises. And I wasn't finding what I was looking for. On top of that, I had some personal issues and God didn't seem to be helping. I was feeling very burnt out, disillusioned, cynical, and even a little depressed. So, I stopped going to church.
Over the next several years, I got a girlfriend, got into some serious credit card debt (not directly related to the girlfriend), lost the girlfriend, worked my ass off to pay off the debt, took up boxing for stress-relief, paid off the debt after two years, went part-time at work and just relaxed for a while. The whole time, the subject of God remained in the back of my head, and I knew that at some time I would have to readdress it.
Well, that time came when my dad started having strange neurological symptoms. He was 61 years old, and we had all noticed his memory, never particularly good to begin with, getting markedly worse. When driving in Arizona, we normally look at the speed limit and add 10 mph. My dad was no exception. But now, he was taking the speed limit and SUBTRACTING 10 mph. He would leave for work and not be able to find his way home. He was losing weight rapidly, though he was eating normally. My step-mom was getting very worried, so she took him to the doctor, who said that it may be depression. However, according to the doctor, the weight loss was of significant concern. Over a period of a few months, he wasn't getting any better. He was referred to the Mayo Clinic for further examination. There, my dad and step-mom were warned that it could be a rare but fatal and incurable disease called Sporadic Crutchfield Jakob Disease, a human form of mad cow disease. It turns up in 1 per 1,000,000 people in America between the ages of 60 and 65, and though its cause is unknown, it is not believed to be caused by contaminated meat. They took a few brain scans, and from then on it was a waiting game. Around that time, he began to become incontinent, to walk awkwardly, and it was getting hard for him to find the words he wanted to say. There were other symptoms as well. The results of the brain scans came in shortly before Christmas of 2003, and my siblings and I were there with my dad and step-mom when we got the results, which confirmed that he did in fact have CJD. I have never felt like the ground had dropped out beneath me before, but I did then. My dad just bowed his head and started to cry. Then the rest of us did. From that time on, it was a matter of keeping him comfortable until his passing, which occurred just 5 months after the diagnosis. I spent as much time as I could with him, helping my step-mom as best I could. I took him to the mall, the zoo, on walks around the neighborhood--wherever he wanted.
One day when I was taking care of him while my step-mom was working, my mom came by to pick me up, since my car was in the shop. Up to the point of his illness, there was still bitterness between them, though they had been divorced almost twenty years. I was nervous about them seeing each other, because I didn't know how my dad would react. Fortunately, I don't think it could have gone better. My dad was very warm towards her when she came in, and she started to tear up, but kept it in. They talked for just a little bit, and then my dad asked my mom if she was ok. She told him she was, and then asked him how he was. He said he was fine, and then he said, "So you're ok?" and then he fell into her lap crying. She started crying too, and I had to get the hell out of there! I couldn't believe what had just happened, so I just walked to the back of the house and paced up and down the hallway. They talked for a little bit, and then I came back in. Around that time, my step-mom came home, and I think she was a little uncomfortable walking in with her husband and his ex-wife both with red puffy eyes, but she hid it well. And I stood there in amazement at what I had just saw. It was something I never thought would happen.
Afterwards, Dad's health continued to deteriorate, he kept getting skinnier and was eventually bed-ridden. My step-brother, Terry, and his wife, Tracie, had an office in Phoenix so they flew out for about four weeks to help my step-mom care for my dad.
Eventually, he stopped eating, and a week later he passed away. The last days of his life, his body was contorted in the most unnatural, disturbing position, with his back arched back leaning slightly to his right, his head back and his mouth stuck wide open. He was all bones, and his skin looked and felt like wax. We were giving him oral doses of morphine by the hour to relieve any suffering he might be experiencing. At around 9:00pm on a Sunday night, everyone was there and we thought he was ready to go. He began breathing very heavily and loudly, almost grunting. But it was a false alarm. It was getting late, so everyone left but I stayed to help my step-mom give him his hourly morphine doses--I was to stay up a few hours, and then she would get up and continue the work. However, at around 2:30am I heard his breathing get weaker. I walked into the room and watched him for a few minutes before he moved his head back a little, moved his hand up a little and lightly clenched it, and breathed his last breath. He died on Memorial Day morning, 31 May 2004. I got everybody in the house up, called my sister and got her over, and we tied up the loose ends. He was cremated and buried shortly afterwards, and a memorial was held. It was an awesome memorial, held at my dad and step-mom's church, the first one that I started to go to after my conversion. There were tons of people there; people that I hadn't seen in ages. And afterwards, we each began the difficult process of moving on with our lives.
Almost eight months later, I enlisted in the Air Force. My dad's sudden fatal illness helped to resurrect my previous crisis of faith, and that coupled with my drastic change in lifestyle by joining the military and other personal issues I was dealing with brought me to an all-time stress high. I was alright during basic training, but afterwards I started having the weirdest physical symptoms. I have never been accused of being a hypochondriac, but I definitely became one. I never went to the doctor about it and I didn't talk much about it to others, but I was feeling a weird and intense tightness in my forearms, numbness in my limbs, and I could not walk straight. It was like dizziness, but not quite. I didn't tell anybody, but I was more scared than I have ever been in my life. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I knew in my head that it wasn't possible, but I started to wonder if I had developed the same condition my dad had died from (there are other forms of the disease that someone my age could develop). This went on for at least two months, and it was torture. I was psyching myself out, and I started to prepare mentally for the possibility that I was dying of something, but I refused to go to the doctor or talk to anyone about it. Looking back it scares me because I never thought I could ever become so out of touch with reality. But it happened. And all the sudden, I found God again. Of course it was just another short-lived, emotion-based experience. I didn't care about reason or logic or my previous doubts, I needed God and I didn't care what I had to believe to get to Him. I reached for the only thing I knew, and I started reading the Bible from Genesis on. I continued reading it even after my 'agnosticity' returned.
That experience, as psychotic as it was, gave me some valuable insight. I got a glimpse into what it must feel like to know you're dying soon. To look around and realize that everyone and everything in your life is no longer yours to keep, and never really was. It was an intensely lonely and dark place to be. I realized that it's very easy for me to get caught up in nit-picking things like beliefs and religious faith, but when confronted with my mortality, even by means of an illusion, all I wanted was to be comforted by the only being I thought could do it--God. I don't believe that this provides any proof of God's existence, but I do think it is a common response to a perceived life-threatening situation, which is suggestive. It may be instinct, or it may be conditioned. Who knows?
It's clear to me now that my previous attempts to convince myself of the historical reality of Biblical events were pointless. They CAN'T be proven beyond a doubt, nor can they be dis-proven. Searching for a divine being in records of events that are said to have happened over 2000 years ago is ridiculous. If God exists, I need to see what he is doing now.
So, that is how I got where I am today, and I continue to search. However, I am no longer searching solely by reading books like I used to. I still read--a lot--but it's not the only means by which I learn, about God or anything else anymore. I pray--sometimes I don't know why, but I do. I write, I discuss, I argue, I experience things, I look, I listen, I risk. If God exists, and I am to know Him, He can't just exist in the pages of some book, He (She/It--whatever)'s gotta be in my life somewhere, and He's gotta be willing for me to find Him. And if He(She/It) doesn't exist, or if He's not willing for me to find Him, I can still enjoy the search.
***If you made it all the way through this blog, then...
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First of all, the term 'agnostic' is a Greek term that means, literally, to 'not know', and it usually pertains to religious beliefs. There are those that call themselves 'theistic agnostics', who lean towards some basic belief in the possibility that God or gods may exist, but don't commit to specific beliefs or dogmas, and 'atheistic agnostics', who do not. There are probably others, but who cares? ;) I am just an agnostic, in the simplest and strictest definition of the word--I don't know if there is a God or not. Some definitions I've read online go a step or two further and say that a true agnostic believes that it CANNOT be known if there is or isn't a god(s), but to me that's as much an irrational faith statement as any religious profession of faith. So I don't go that far. It is also not my desire to remain an agnostic (despite what it may seem by my criticisms of the religions I have studied), which also places me somewhat outside some of the definitions of the word that I've read online. But that's fine with me. It still seems to be the best way to describe where I'm at spiritually.
Next, how I came to be one. As far back as I can remember, I have had a fascination with God, the afterlife, and even the occult. Until my parents' divorce when I was seven, I was an unconfirmed Roman Catholic, thanks to my Mom and her family. My Dad was raised a Protestant, but until I was 11 he was much more an agnostic than anything. I think he even told me he was at some point. My Mom wasn't a strict Catholic or anything. Her beliefs at that time were more common with many other Catholics I have known--believe what you want, but go to Mass every Sunday. I have vague memories of her telling me about Jesus Christ and God, and it was from her that I first heard that God loved me, and so I loved God.
As I said, my parents divorced when I was 7 and, though my mother won 'religious custody' of us, we rarely went to mass after that. Mostly because both my parents had to work their asses off to support themselves and us kids. There was simply no time or energy. My Dad had always been a movie buff, and it definitely rubbed off on myself and my siblings. When my dad made the not-so-wise decision to try to juggle his construction day-job with going into business for himself and starting a video store (they were just then becoming all the rage at that time; his business failed after two years), and raise us kids all at the same time, all there was for us to do was watch movies, and watch 'em we did. Especially horror movies. Around this time, I developed a weird fascination with the movie, The Exorcist. I had never seen it--I was not allowed to-- but I had seen clips of it on tv, and it both terrorized the hell out of me and mesmerized me. I was completely freaked out about getting possessed by the devil. It's funny now looking back on it, but at the time I was absolutely terrified. That stayed with me for a very long time. I eventually read the novel that the movie was based on, and then when I was around 12 or 13 (I think), I finally watched the movie. It's still one of my all-time favorite movies. But the concept it portrayed, that there was a God, and that He would create a being that would become His own worst enemy and reek havoc on all the rest of His creation, just baffled me. And you don't have to be exposed to a horror movie like the Exorcist to be introduced to such a concept, you simply have to read the Bible. Despite my confusion, I still had my basic belief in God--He just didn't make sense to me. And I was alright with that, for a while.
As I entered my adolescence, my Dad (who had always had a strained relationship with each of us kids at best) had become a born-again Christian, and my Mom had remarried and gained the means to support herself and any of us three kids that wanted to live with her. So, I moved out of my Dad's and in with her and my new step-father. I lived with them from 6th grade till 11th grade, and went through all of the trials of teen-agerness with them. I got my first job at Little Caesar's Pizza Pizza when I was 16, and looking back, it was a very interesting experiences. Mostly because, in high school, everyone is very 'cliquey' and separated, but at work, you work with kids that go to your school but that you don't normally talk to. And there you are, all wearing the same uniform and having to work together. I worked there for a year, and really had a pretty good time. I met this girl that I really liked a lot, Janeen, and we hung out a lot together, which lead to us going out. We kind of started getting into astrology together--lightly at first, and then I really got into it. Eventually, I drew up my own natal chart and started doing my own horoscope. I had figured out that I was a Libra with the sun in the 11th house, with a Scorpio rising and the moon in Cancer in the 8th house, and blah, blah, blah (it just keeps going). I stayed in that phase for a couple of years I think, into my senior year of high school when I moved back in with my dad and my new step-mom, because I was no longer getting along with my Mom and Bill (my step-dad).
As I mentioned earlier, my dad had become a born-again Christian, and his new wife was a devout believer. Even so, they respected my beliefs--and my Dad (hell, my whole family) new that there was no point in even trying to force me to do anything I didn't want to do. I'm EXTREMELY bull-headed with a sharp rebellious streak, so they did very well to not push their faith or church on me. They offered, but never forced. And I actually got along quite well with them for quite a while ('till of course I turned 20 or 21 and I was over-staying my welcome).
For Thanksgiving of '95, my Dad, step-mom and myself went to Houston, TX to spend the holiday with my step-brother, Terry and his wife, Tracie. I was not prepared for the life-changing decision I would make during that trip. I had a very nice time, and we met up there with my step-sister Carrie and her husband at the time, Richie, from Los Angeles. I think we were there for like 4 or 5 days and on one of the nights, Carrie put on this 4-hour seminar video called (something like) "Rock 'n Roll Sorcerers in the New Age Revolution" for us all to watch. It was basically this evangelical pastor's presentation about how the most famous singers of the 50's to the present day were influenced by Satanic elements, if not Satan himself. This sounds ridiculous, at least it definitely did to me at first, but as the video played on, the guy actually weaved a pretty good argument. For an 18 year old's mind anyway. He convinced me. He presented written interviews, biographies, and video footage of the singers talking about their beliefs to support his argument. He showed that many of them (Elvis, the Beatles, Led Zeppelin, the Rolling Stone, Jimi Hendrix, Sting, etc.) had stated an interest, if not a firm belief, in the teachings of people like Aleister Crowley, Anton La Vey, and Madame Blavatsky, all well-known Satanists and/or Occultists. Carrie had played the video hoping to convert Tracie, my step-brother's non-Christian wife. Ironically, after the video was over, it was me that ended up having this insanely long conversation with Carrie and Richie that ended with my conversion at about 1am, if I remember correctly.
That night I went to bed feeling great, having found God and all. I knew that being a Christian was going to be particularly difficult for me (astrology was out, among other things), but that was in God's hands. I had always prayed, and believed in God, but I had never really had a structured belief system, and I think it felt good to finally find that. In my experience, occultic beliefs like astrology are really just big mind games that people willfully play on themselves and others. They're very flexible--not structured at all. That's why they are a con-artist's haven.
Anyway, the next morning we were to hop on the plane home, and before we left for the airport Carrie asked me if I had told my dad yet. I hadn't, because I really didn't think it was that big of a deal. But when I told my dad and step-mom on the plane, they both sat forward and looked at me with the biggest looks of shock on their faces. It was like out of a sitcom, and I was just waiting for the cheesy laugh-track. None played though. I got home and did the Newly-Converted-Christian Spring Cleaning that new believers do--throwing out everything that was part of my heathen past. I was converted Thanksgiving night, and baptized on Christmas Eve. I went to my dad's non-denominational church for almost a year, but it was really too big for me, so I found a smaller Southern Baptist church through a Bible study group that met at Mesa Community College, where I was taking a few college courses. I got pretty involved there, meeting a lot of interesting people that I liked a lot, doing the Bible study thing, and going on mission trips and retreats.
In doing all of this, I became very interested in the differences between the many Christian sects and denominations. Particularly, I was most curious about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (and a little about Jehovah's Witnesses). The LDS Church is largely vilified by all other Christian sects because it blatantly claims to be the only true Christian church, and that it restored the true gospel that the other churches had lost or corrupted. And though it has become less and less so with the rapid growth of the metro-Phoenix, AZ area and all of the multi-culturization that comes with it, the Mormon church has a significant presence where I grew up and used to live, and I have had countless Mormon friends. I wanted to better understand the differences between it and the other Christian denominations. So, I started reading and researching. Oh so much reading and researching. I read a little of the Book of Mormon, a little of the Doctrine and Covenants and Pearl of Great Price, went to a church service, went to their Visitors' Center at the Mesa Temple a few times, spoke to missionaries, read books by ex-Mormons who had left the Church, and books by Protestants who were against the Church. Finally, I was working at KFC at the time, and I became friends with a new delivery driver named Loren. He was a great guy, and he was a Mormon. We would get into these long, deep, sometimes-heated-but-always-respectful discussions about our respective faiths, and I was slightly disturbed by the fact that we both had so much conviction in our beliefs, yet we believed in many different things. Through that friendship, I realized that strong conviction was not sufficient to determine the truth of one's beliefs, nor was it enough to convince someone else to change their beliefs. Eventually, it wasn't even enough to justify my own beliefs to myself.
So, since my faith was based on the claims of the Bible, I turned my studies there. I read the famous books (famous within Christendom, that is) by Josh McDowell, "Evidence That Demands A Verdict", and several others by him and other authors like F.F. Bruce. McDowell bases his faith on what he feels is strong early church tradition that the disciples were executed proclaiming the risen Christ, since people tend to not be willing to die for proclaiming the reality of events that they know did not occur. Further, he defends the historical reliability of the Bible, and even addresses various other Bible criticisms that I had not even been introduced to up to that time. And to his credit, he regularly encourages the reader throughout his books to further research the various subjects he tackles on their own, and not just rely on his findings. I also read C.S. Lewis' autobiography, and several of his philosophical works. I read two books by people claiming to have originally set out to disprove the Resurrection, but ended up being convinced it happened (Who Moved the Stone? By Frank Morison, and The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel). Oh yeah, and the Bible (How could I have forgotten???). Well, I read the New Testament several times, and the Torah and a few other books of the Old Testament. This is just a handful of the reading that I did. I went on a couple retreats, met with my pastor, had discussions with fellow believers, and went to a large convention or two. On top of all of this, I prayed. I prayed so much. And it was sometimes very helpful, in that it allowed me to relax and refocus as I searched.
But to no avail. I was getting increasingly frustrated during church services and distant with my friends. I knew by then that my conversion, like most people's, had been a very subjective one, and I wanted it to be based on more objective premises. And I wasn't finding what I was looking for. On top of that, I had some personal issues and God didn't seem to be helping. I was feeling very burnt out, disillusioned, cynical, and even a little depressed. So, I stopped going to church.
Over the next several years, I got a girlfriend, got into some serious credit card debt (not directly related to the girlfriend), lost the girlfriend, worked my ass off to pay off the debt, took up boxing for stress-relief, paid off the debt after two years, went part-time at work and just relaxed for a while. The whole time, the subject of God remained in the back of my head, and I knew that at some time I would have to readdress it.
Well, that time came when my dad started having strange neurological symptoms. He was 61 years old, and we had all noticed his memory, never particularly good to begin with, getting markedly worse. When driving in Arizona, we normally look at the speed limit and add 10 mph. My dad was no exception. But now, he was taking the speed limit and SUBTRACTING 10 mph. He would leave for work and not be able to find his way home. He was losing weight rapidly, though he was eating normally. My step-mom was getting very worried, so she took him to the doctor, who said that it may be depression. However, according to the doctor, the weight loss was of significant concern. Over a period of a few months, he wasn't getting any better. He was referred to the Mayo Clinic for further examination. There, my dad and step-mom were warned that it could be a rare but fatal and incurable disease called Sporadic Crutchfield Jakob Disease, a human form of mad cow disease. It turns up in 1 per 1,000,000 people in America between the ages of 60 and 65, and though its cause is unknown, it is not believed to be caused by contaminated meat. They took a few brain scans, and from then on it was a waiting game. Around that time, he began to become incontinent, to walk awkwardly, and it was getting hard for him to find the words he wanted to say. There were other symptoms as well. The results of the brain scans came in shortly before Christmas of 2003, and my siblings and I were there with my dad and step-mom when we got the results, which confirmed that he did in fact have CJD. I have never felt like the ground had dropped out beneath me before, but I did then. My dad just bowed his head and started to cry. Then the rest of us did. From that time on, it was a matter of keeping him comfortable until his passing, which occurred just 5 months after the diagnosis. I spent as much time as I could with him, helping my step-mom as best I could. I took him to the mall, the zoo, on walks around the neighborhood--wherever he wanted.
One day when I was taking care of him while my step-mom was working, my mom came by to pick me up, since my car was in the shop. Up to the point of his illness, there was still bitterness between them, though they had been divorced almost twenty years. I was nervous about them seeing each other, because I didn't know how my dad would react. Fortunately, I don't think it could have gone better. My dad was very warm towards her when she came in, and she started to tear up, but kept it in. They talked for just a little bit, and then my dad asked my mom if she was ok. She told him she was, and then asked him how he was. He said he was fine, and then he said, "So you're ok?" and then he fell into her lap crying. She started crying too, and I had to get the hell out of there! I couldn't believe what had just happened, so I just walked to the back of the house and paced up and down the hallway. They talked for a little bit, and then I came back in. Around that time, my step-mom came home, and I think she was a little uncomfortable walking in with her husband and his ex-wife both with red puffy eyes, but she hid it well. And I stood there in amazement at what I had just saw. It was something I never thought would happen.
Afterwards, Dad's health continued to deteriorate, he kept getting skinnier and was eventually bed-ridden. My step-brother, Terry, and his wife, Tracie, had an office in Phoenix so they flew out for about four weeks to help my step-mom care for my dad.
Eventually, he stopped eating, and a week later he passed away. The last days of his life, his body was contorted in the most unnatural, disturbing position, with his back arched back leaning slightly to his right, his head back and his mouth stuck wide open. He was all bones, and his skin looked and felt like wax. We were giving him oral doses of morphine by the hour to relieve any suffering he might be experiencing. At around 9:00pm on a Sunday night, everyone was there and we thought he was ready to go. He began breathing very heavily and loudly, almost grunting. But it was a false alarm. It was getting late, so everyone left but I stayed to help my step-mom give him his hourly morphine doses--I was to stay up a few hours, and then she would get up and continue the work. However, at around 2:30am I heard his breathing get weaker. I walked into the room and watched him for a few minutes before he moved his head back a little, moved his hand up a little and lightly clenched it, and breathed his last breath. He died on Memorial Day morning, 31 May 2004. I got everybody in the house up, called my sister and got her over, and we tied up the loose ends. He was cremated and buried shortly afterwards, and a memorial was held. It was an awesome memorial, held at my dad and step-mom's church, the first one that I started to go to after my conversion. There were tons of people there; people that I hadn't seen in ages. And afterwards, we each began the difficult process of moving on with our lives.
Almost eight months later, I enlisted in the Air Force. My dad's sudden fatal illness helped to resurrect my previous crisis of faith, and that coupled with my drastic change in lifestyle by joining the military and other personal issues I was dealing with brought me to an all-time stress high. I was alright during basic training, but afterwards I started having the weirdest physical symptoms. I have never been accused of being a hypochondriac, but I definitely became one. I never went to the doctor about it and I didn't talk much about it to others, but I was feeling a weird and intense tightness in my forearms, numbness in my limbs, and I could not walk straight. It was like dizziness, but not quite. I didn't tell anybody, but I was more scared than I have ever been in my life. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I knew in my head that it wasn't possible, but I started to wonder if I had developed the same condition my dad had died from (there are other forms of the disease that someone my age could develop). This went on for at least two months, and it was torture. I was psyching myself out, and I started to prepare mentally for the possibility that I was dying of something, but I refused to go to the doctor or talk to anyone about it. Looking back it scares me because I never thought I could ever become so out of touch with reality. But it happened. And all the sudden, I found God again. Of course it was just another short-lived, emotion-based experience. I didn't care about reason or logic or my previous doubts, I needed God and I didn't care what I had to believe to get to Him. I reached for the only thing I knew, and I started reading the Bible from Genesis on. I continued reading it even after my 'agnosticity' returned.
That experience, as psychotic as it was, gave me some valuable insight. I got a glimpse into what it must feel like to know you're dying soon. To look around and realize that everyone and everything in your life is no longer yours to keep, and never really was. It was an intensely lonely and dark place to be. I realized that it's very easy for me to get caught up in nit-picking things like beliefs and religious faith, but when confronted with my mortality, even by means of an illusion, all I wanted was to be comforted by the only being I thought could do it--God. I don't believe that this provides any proof of God's existence, but I do think it is a common response to a perceived life-threatening situation, which is suggestive. It may be instinct, or it may be conditioned. Who knows?
It's clear to me now that my previous attempts to convince myself of the historical reality of Biblical events were pointless. They CAN'T be proven beyond a doubt, nor can they be dis-proven. Searching for a divine being in records of events that are said to have happened over 2000 years ago is ridiculous. If God exists, I need to see what he is doing now.
So, that is how I got where I am today, and I continue to search. However, I am no longer searching solely by reading books like I used to. I still read--a lot--but it's not the only means by which I learn, about God or anything else anymore. I pray--sometimes I don't know why, but I do. I write, I discuss, I argue, I experience things, I look, I listen, I risk. If God exists, and I am to know Him, He can't just exist in the pages of some book, He (She/It--whatever)'s gotta be in my life somewhere, and He's gotta be willing for me to find Him. And if He(She/It) doesn't exist, or if He's not willing for me to find Him, I can still enjoy the search.
***If you made it all the way through this blog, then...
Pimp-My-Profile.com
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
A Grab-Bag 'O Stuff
Now I'm excited. This is always how goal-setting and plan-making works for me. First, extreme uncertainty, anxiety, insecurity and even anger and a quiet but potent rage that I can barely contain when I'm in public. I get very distant and curt in my social interactions. I resent everything and everyone. Then, I get my crap together and start gathering whatever information I need to start figuring out what I want to do. Then the rough draft of a plan starts to develop in my head and a rush of hope and excitement consumes me. And I LOVE that part! It's awesome. And it is usually the prelude to success for me. It's how I felt 4-12 weeks before I took my final test for my Korean proficiency.
So, these are the goals: I want to go to law school. I want to live in New York City for a little while after I separate from the military. I want to study philosophy and religion in-depth (not as a profession, but as a personal interest.).
And this is the plan, in rough draft form: My researches have yielded that there is no such thing as an official pre-Law degree, and law schools express absolutely no preference in a field of study for your bachelor's degree before attending their school. The only requisite is that your degree be in a subject that requires a lot of reading, writing, research and analysis. This encompasses every subject from criminal justice and political science to history to...wait for it....wait....philosophy and religion! Eureka! Alright, so I can study my philosophies and religion, get a degree and pursue law. Now, there's only that damn New York goal problem. Hmmm....what's that? New York University, located in Manhattan, has one of the most prestigious Law schools in the country? WHAT??? That's MADNESS! And what was that thing that I signed up for when I enlisted? The Montgomery GI Bill, which will pay for my educational expenses when I get out of the service? It's all coming together.
Now, I'm not so caught up in my excitement that I am being all starry-eyed about the certainty of my plan. It is just a rough draft, after all. The fact that NYU's Law school is so prestigious presents numerous problems and obstacles: fierce competition, LSAT scores, sky-high education costs, high cost of living, etc., etc. But at least I have sufficient materials to really start moving toward my goal. And I believe I have sufficient time to get as prepared as I can get in order to maximize the likelihood that I will get where I want. So that's good. A HUGE weight off my shoulders...
In other news, I saw my first James Bond movie Saturday night. I liked it a lot. Go see it. If you want.
Then, I went to the zoo on Sunday. Omaha supposedly has one of the best zoos in the country, and I have confirmed that as fact. I was there for, like, five hours and only saw about a third of it. All that animal-seeing made me think, again, about pets. I want one. And I'm not gonna stop whining until I get one. And I can't get one while I'm in the service, so I'll be whining for a while. But I promise I will do it as charmingly as possible. In the meantime, these are the pets I would really like to get:
A rottweiler. We have had three in my family, and they are the most beautiful, eccentric, loyal and strongest dogs in the world. They can, and do, do everything. From sports to search and rescue to visiting sick hospital patients with their owners to guarding to playing to entertaining everyone around them with their screw-ball antics. Here's a couple of cool videos that will make you a rotty lover, if you weren't already. Oh yes, you will succumb. The second one has some disturbing pictures, but it's a really good slide show (ignore the cheesey Christian-rock song. Unless you like it. It's kinda catchy....).
.. width="425" height="350"> ..>
.. width="425" height="350"> ..>
An octopus. Did you know they are the most intelligent among the invertebrates? They can learn by observation, and they even display individual personalities--some are quite friendly and curious about humans. They are gifted escape artists, and have been known to break out of some of the most secure tanks only to make it over to a neighboring fish tank, break in and feast away! And guess who would win in a fight between a shark and an octopus. Yep, our eight-legged friend would likely be the victor. Ya gotta love that...here's a video.
.. width="425" height="350"> ..>
A hognose snake. They act incredibly vicious and defensive, but they will almost NEVER bite a human. They will hiss, strike, flatten their backs to look like a cobra, and if that doesn't work, even role over and play dead in order to deter an enemy, but they will not bite. It's just a big reptilian faker. Fascinating. Here's a video (notice it won't even bite for it's food!).
.. width="425" height="350"> ..>
Playing: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess on the Wii
So, these are the goals: I want to go to law school. I want to live in New York City for a little while after I separate from the military. I want to study philosophy and religion in-depth (not as a profession, but as a personal interest.).
And this is the plan, in rough draft form: My researches have yielded that there is no such thing as an official pre-Law degree, and law schools express absolutely no preference in a field of study for your bachelor's degree before attending their school. The only requisite is that your degree be in a subject that requires a lot of reading, writing, research and analysis. This encompasses every subject from criminal justice and political science to history to...wait for it....wait....philosophy and religion! Eureka! Alright, so I can study my philosophies and religion, get a degree and pursue law. Now, there's only that damn New York goal problem. Hmmm....what's that? New York University, located in Manhattan, has one of the most prestigious Law schools in the country? WHAT??? That's MADNESS! And what was that thing that I signed up for when I enlisted? The Montgomery GI Bill, which will pay for my educational expenses when I get out of the service? It's all coming together.
Now, I'm not so caught up in my excitement that I am being all starry-eyed about the certainty of my plan. It is just a rough draft, after all. The fact that NYU's Law school is so prestigious presents numerous problems and obstacles: fierce competition, LSAT scores, sky-high education costs, high cost of living, etc., etc. But at least I have sufficient materials to really start moving toward my goal. And I believe I have sufficient time to get as prepared as I can get in order to maximize the likelihood that I will get where I want. So that's good. A HUGE weight off my shoulders...
In other news, I saw my first James Bond movie Saturday night. I liked it a lot. Go see it. If you want.
Then, I went to the zoo on Sunday. Omaha supposedly has one of the best zoos in the country, and I have confirmed that as fact. I was there for, like, five hours and only saw about a third of it. All that animal-seeing made me think, again, about pets. I want one. And I'm not gonna stop whining until I get one. And I can't get one while I'm in the service, so I'll be whining for a while. But I promise I will do it as charmingly as possible. In the meantime, these are the pets I would really like to get:
A rottweiler. We have had three in my family, and they are the most beautiful, eccentric, loyal and strongest dogs in the world. They can, and do, do everything. From sports to search and rescue to visiting sick hospital patients with their owners to guarding to playing to entertaining everyone around them with their screw-ball antics. Here's a couple of cool videos that will make you a rotty lover, if you weren't already. Oh yes, you will succumb. The second one has some disturbing pictures, but it's a really good slide show (ignore the cheesey Christian-rock song. Unless you like it. It's kinda catchy....).
.. width="425" height="350">
.. width="425" height="350">
An octopus. Did you know they are the most intelligent among the invertebrates? They can learn by observation, and they even display individual personalities--some are quite friendly and curious about humans. They are gifted escape artists, and have been known to break out of some of the most secure tanks only to make it over to a neighboring fish tank, break in and feast away! And guess who would win in a fight between a shark and an octopus. Yep, our eight-legged friend would likely be the victor. Ya gotta love that...here's a video.
.. width="425" height="350">
A hognose snake. They act incredibly vicious and defensive, but they will almost NEVER bite a human. They will hiss, strike, flatten their backs to look like a cobra, and if that doesn't work, even role over and play dead in order to deter an enemy, but they will not bite. It's just a big reptilian faker. Fascinating. Here's a video (notice it won't even bite for it's food!).
.. width="425" height="350">
Playing: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess on the Wii
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Re-focusing
It's been pretty much two years straight of training for me, and all that time my focus has been all on getting through it as best I could. Any thought of my long-term goals (which were the reason I joined the military in the first place) have been pretty much none existent. But now, that's pretty much all over with and it's time to get back to my ultimate objective--getting my degree(s), and preparing for the rest of my life. It's frustrating because I'm surrounded by very early- to early-mid twentysomethings, and they're for the most part all about the party. And they should be. And it's tempting for me to join them. But I have so much desire and anxiety to set up a plan for my future; when I'm out and about playing around, all I can think about is what I should be doing. Which means I'm probably not much fun to be out with. And when I'm home alone and (thinking about) getting work done, all I can think about is all the fun and excitement I'm missing out on that everyone else is out doing. I spend WAAAAY too much time thinking. The solution? Make sure my solo time is productive, and use it to get as much done as possible. Then, when it's play time, I can relax and let loose. So, I spent tonight researching law schools and how to prepare for them. Mission accomplished--for the night, anyway. And now I'm so frickin' tired. I don't even know if this blog is coherent. I hope so. If not, I hope it's at least funny. Typos galour.
For your enjoyment:
.. width="425" height="350"> ..>
For your enjoyment:
.. width="425" height="350">
Tuesday, November 7, 2006
Omaha
A song by Counting Crows--
Start tearing the old man down
Run past the heather and down to the old road
Start turning the grain into the ground
Roll a new leaf over
In the middle of the night,
there's an old man treading around in the gathered rain
Well mister, if you're going to walk on water
Could you drop a line my way?
(chorus)
Omaha
Somewhere in middle America
Get right to the heart of matters
It's the heart that matters more
I think you better turn your ticket in
And get your money back at the door
Start threading a needle
Brush past the shuttle that slides through the cold room
Start turning the wool across the wire
Roll a new life over
In the middle of the night,
there's an old man threading his toes through a bucket of rain
Hey mister, you don't want to walk on water
You're only going to walk all over me
(chorus)
Start running the banner down
Drop past the color
Come up through the summer rain
Start turning the girl into the ground
Roll a new love over
In the middle of the day,
there's a young man rolling around in the earth and rain
Hey Mister, if you're going to walk on water
You know you're only going to walk all over me
(chorus)
Start tearing the old man down
Run past the heather and down to the old road
Start turning the grain into the ground
Roll a new leaf over
In the middle of the night,
there's an old man treading around in the gathered rain
Well mister, if you're going to walk on water
Could you drop a line my way?
(chorus)
Omaha
Somewhere in middle America
Get right to the heart of matters
It's the heart that matters more
I think you better turn your ticket in
And get your money back at the door
Start threading a needle
Brush past the shuttle that slides through the cold room
Start turning the wool across the wire
Roll a new life over
In the middle of the night,
there's an old man threading his toes through a bucket of rain
Hey mister, you don't want to walk on water
You're only going to walk all over me
(chorus)
Start running the banner down
Drop past the color
Come up through the summer rain
Start turning the girl into the ground
Roll a new love over
In the middle of the day,
there's a young man rolling around in the earth and rain
Hey Mister, if you're going to walk on water
You know you're only going to walk all over me
(chorus)
Sunday, November 5, 2006
Now that I'm thoroughly irritated...
I finally got around to renovating my myspace page and changing some of my pics. Gotta tell you, nothing frustrates me more than working with computers. Now, before hittin' the sack, I'm gonna try to squeeze out a quick blog. If I did this right, attached in this blog is a map of the US, with a trail showing the tour of the western US I took from August to last week. Yep, my car and I ventured into every western state--with the exception of Nevada, which I've been to several times before so it doesn't matter anyway--in less than 3 months! YEAH! Saw some beautiful sites, learned some stuff. For instance, did you know that you can't pump your own gas in the state of Oregon? I actually had been told that a while ago in some random conversation, but I forgot it. So, I re-learned it from experience when I stopped there for gas. Weird how things come back around, eh? On my trek, I picked up the new live cd by Sophie B. Hawkins. I've been a long time fan of hers, ever since she came out in 1992. You might know her songs "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" and "As I Lay Me Down". Anyway, she started out as a kid with the drums (which is why most of her songs are heavy on the percussion), and just kept learning new instruments and writing songs. She's one of those that performs at least half, if not all, the instruments on her albums. Her songs range from "pop"-y/dancey to rock to folk, from sexually provocative to spiritually inspiratonal to eccentric. The cd's really good, though the setlist could have been better. Anyway, give it, or any of her others, a listen if you're up for something new.
Listening to: Bad Kitty Board Mix by Sophie B. Hawkins.
Listening to: Bad Kitty Board Mix by Sophie B. Hawkins.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Odds and Ends
This week marks my last week of being in the Air Education Training Command. That's just a pretty nick-name for Hell. I'm so excited. I'm getting back into my routine: working out, practicing guitar and reading. I also need to refresh my Korean. But on top of that, I'm trying to figure out going back to school, starting something for retirement, and starting planning for what I'm going to do when my enlistment is up in two years. It probably sounds stupid and premature, but I'm actually feeling pretty overwhelmed by all of this. I'm pretty irritable these days, but I'll feel much better once I get a plan for everything in place.
On a lighter note, I saw the Prestige on Friday. You need to see this movie. It will change your life.
Playing: Pac Man World 2 on Gamecube
On a lighter note, I saw the Prestige on Friday. You need to see this movie. It will change your life.
Playing: Pac Man World 2 on Gamecube
SERE-iously
Well, I've passed through the fire. I'm now SERE trained. It's so funny--before going through it, I kept thinking about the physical aspects of it. But it was so much more about the psychological side. It was such a HUGE mind-f@*. I can't talk too much about it, but I can say that I thought a lot about how grateful I am that what I experienced was only a training exercise. I can't imagine going through the real thing. I hope I never have to.
Watching: Family Guy Volume 2 DVD box-set.
Watching: Family Guy Volume 2 DVD box-set.
Book Report: AWOL
AWOL: The Unexcused Absence of America's Upper Classes from Military Service and How It Hurts Our Country
Ok, real quick. I read this book called AWOL. It was given to me by my aunt after she read it. I read it more out of a sense of obligation than anything. But I ended up enjoying it and, after reading it, felt a little more fortunate having made the decision to enlist. I still think the military has a butt-load of bs in it, but it has a redeeming quality or two as well, as was pointed out to me by this book.
It has two authors, one being a Democrat wife of a Marine officer, and the other being a Republican father of a Marine. Not the same Marine, though. The full title of the book basically states their mission. They are troubled by the declining rate of individuals from the upper class ranks enlisting in the military. Some of the particularly strong points made are:
--That it's not a Republican/Democrat issue. It is a class issue.
--Fewer and fewer of our nation's leaders have military experience. Which means, they are in charge of an operation that they know nothing about.
--Not only are fewer of our nations leaders able to say that they have military experience, fewer and fewer have children that have served or are serving. Without a personal stake such as a son or daughter in the military, our leaders are simply sending faceless soldiers off to war. That's a problem.
--The people that benefit the most from our society have no idea what it costs to defend it. And those that do know the cost don't benefit as much. There's an imbalance there.
--Our military's power is impressive, but it has its limitations. The common citizen takes it for granted without realizing the amount of work and money that is required for everything our military does. Enlistment helps eliminate that problem.
--Military life shows service members that they can do more and put up with more than they ever thought they could.
--There is a level of satisfaction achieved from working for an institution that is greater than the self.
--The authors mention the idea that there is a national wisdom that is gained by a nation over the span of its existence. I'm still not sure what I think about that one, but I thought it was an interesting idea.
My only two criticisms of this book are:
--It claims that anyone can get promoted in the military fairly easily. This is only true if you are very low-ranking. They practically give out rank to those that don't have much. However, that only seems to last to the mid-ranks. After that, it is my perception that you definitely have to know someone to progress much farther.
--It never adequately addresses the failure of the military to be more intelligent in its recruiting and member-retaining policies. For stupid reasons, our military refuses otherwise qualified applicants and discharges valuable service members. Catch HIV, and you'll be allowed to continue serving until you reach full-blown AIDS. Wheeze, and you'll likely find yourself discharged for asthma before you can blink. And that's only one example. It makes no sense. Not that I think that HIV infected individuals shouldn't be allowed to stay in, mind you. But I'm sure you understand my point.
That's pretty much it. Again, good book. If you're military, I'm sure it will prove an interesting read for you.
Reading: The Varieties of Religious Experience by William James
Ok, real quick. I read this book called AWOL. It was given to me by my aunt after she read it. I read it more out of a sense of obligation than anything. But I ended up enjoying it and, after reading it, felt a little more fortunate having made the decision to enlist. I still think the military has a butt-load of bs in it, but it has a redeeming quality or two as well, as was pointed out to me by this book.
It has two authors, one being a Democrat wife of a Marine officer, and the other being a Republican father of a Marine. Not the same Marine, though. The full title of the book basically states their mission. They are troubled by the declining rate of individuals from the upper class ranks enlisting in the military. Some of the particularly strong points made are:
--That it's not a Republican/Democrat issue. It is a class issue.
--Fewer and fewer of our nation's leaders have military experience. Which means, they are in charge of an operation that they know nothing about.
--Not only are fewer of our nations leaders able to say that they have military experience, fewer and fewer have children that have served or are serving. Without a personal stake such as a son or daughter in the military, our leaders are simply sending faceless soldiers off to war. That's a problem.
--The people that benefit the most from our society have no idea what it costs to defend it. And those that do know the cost don't benefit as much. There's an imbalance there.
--Our military's power is impressive, but it has its limitations. The common citizen takes it for granted without realizing the amount of work and money that is required for everything our military does. Enlistment helps eliminate that problem.
--Military life shows service members that they can do more and put up with more than they ever thought they could.
--There is a level of satisfaction achieved from working for an institution that is greater than the self.
--The authors mention the idea that there is a national wisdom that is gained by a nation over the span of its existence. I'm still not sure what I think about that one, but I thought it was an interesting idea.
My only two criticisms of this book are:
--It claims that anyone can get promoted in the military fairly easily. This is only true if you are very low-ranking. They practically give out rank to those that don't have much. However, that only seems to last to the mid-ranks. After that, it is my perception that you definitely have to know someone to progress much farther.
--It never adequately addresses the failure of the military to be more intelligent in its recruiting and member-retaining policies. For stupid reasons, our military refuses otherwise qualified applicants and discharges valuable service members. Catch HIV, and you'll be allowed to continue serving until you reach full-blown AIDS. Wheeze, and you'll likely find yourself discharged for asthma before you can blink. And that's only one example. It makes no sense. Not that I think that HIV infected individuals shouldn't be allowed to stay in, mind you. But I'm sure you understand my point.
That's pretty much it. Again, good book. If you're military, I'm sure it will prove an interesting read for you.
Reading: The Varieties of Religious Experience by William James
Monday, October 2, 2006
Sleepy in Spokane
Good Lord I'm tired. I arrived here in Spokane, WA late Saturday night with Edwards after a five-day drive from San Antonio. The drive was awesome, though. We left Tuesday from San Angelo and got to San Antonio to pick up Messina's car. Next day, we took off again northbound and stopped for the night in Dalhurt, TX (or something like that--it's in the panhandle). Got up again Thursday morning, headed up through the NE corner of New Mexico and on through Colorado. We stopped in Denver where my friend Kim lives, and she put us up for the night. It was a blast! She took us to Boulder and we ate at the Cheesecake Factory--one of my favorite places to eat. Pasta with Four Cheeses BA-BY!!! Washed it down with a glass of wine and chocolate raspberry truffle cheesecake. God it was good. Next day, once again, we belonged to the road, heading up through Wyoming and into Montana, where we stopped in Billings. It was a beautiful drive thru the WY, but Billings didn't have much to it but casinos and a Jehovah's Witness convention. The irony...But I did get to meet this awesome 18-week-old pit bull/boxer mix puppy at the motel we stayed at. Yeah, that didn't increase my yearning to get a dog or anything...Saturday, we got up, left Billings and headed west. Western Montana was, I think, the most beautiful part of the trip. Tons of green mountain ranges and wildlife, quaint little towns, perfect weather....good stuff. We went through Missoula, which was gorgeous, then took a little detour up north to try to find some bison. No luck though, but on our way back from the park Edwards spotted a rattlesnake by the road. We got out to look, and he messed around with it a little bit--he threw some pebbles at it and got it to strike. Then we left it. From there, we drove on through Idaho and arrived at base at around 9:00 pm local time. The end of a long but nice trek. We spent the rest of the night and Sunday getting settled in our room--If I would have known what was in store for me, I would have taken the day off! We started class today and found out that we will not have a day off for another two weeks--not so much as a Sunday off! Class all week this week (10 hours a day), then Saturday morning we head out to the field to 'survive' till Thursday. The following Friday, Saturday and Sunday we will learn about all the things we did wrong, and then we will be fortunate enough to go out and do it again the following Monday and Tuesday! My heart swells at the thought...
Haven't really had any time to read lately. But the trip up did give me time to listen to a new CD by Angels and Airwaves--pretty good stuff. The songs that stand out to me are Distraction, The War, The Gift and It Hurts. I think that last one might get stuck in my head at some point in this training. It will probably alternate with Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.
Listening to: We Don't Need To Whisper by Angels and Airwaves.
Haven't really had any time to read lately. But the trip up did give me time to listen to a new CD by Angels and Airwaves--pretty good stuff. The songs that stand out to me are Distraction, The War, The Gift and It Hurts. I think that last one might get stuck in my head at some point in this training. It will probably alternate with Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.
Listening to: We Don't Need To Whisper by Angels and Airwaves.
Book Report: The Koran
I think it took me a little longer than a month to read the Koran. And a long month it was. I have to admit I was really very irritated reading most of it. I've heard many times about the beauty of its poetry. Well, I'm not really one for poetry, unless it's in the form of music. But even if I was a fan of poems, I still don't think I would have enjoyed this book. It is really a very illogical, repetitive, yet self-contradictory piece of work. Like most religious works, it fails to provide a case for the faith it champions. At least a case that would convert the average non-believer. A real case. For example, it regularly claims that infidels are to be destroyed because they fail to acknowledge the signs that God has sent them. What kind of signs? you may ask. Well, mainly, the fact that the Koran exists and that it claims itself to be the written work of God through his prophet, Muhammad. Why should we take this as a sign? Well because it says so of itself. Apparently, God and Muhammad are completely unaware of the fact that, for various reasons, people lie; and that countless people and books from ages past have made several claims along similar lines. Call me cynical, but I'm gonna need a little more evidence...
Stylistically, I guess I would compare it to the book of Psalms in the Bible. It is divided into 114 Suras, each of varying length. Some are a few lines, others are almost 200 lines. Each Sura starts with a short title, usually meant to indicate the subject to be covered. However, I found that each Sura would spend a few lines addressing whatever topic was named in the title, and thereafter would fall into the same repeated threats of death and destruction to infidels, the wonder, love and mercy of God, descriptions of Heaven and Hell, etc, etc. Contained in some of the Suras are retellings of well-known biblical stories, because of course, the Bible had been corrupted and needed to be corrected.
Following are several passages that struck me as interesting, usually because they directly contradicted other passages (mind you, I did do my best to review and make sure that I had the best understanding of the context that I could--usually, the contradiction remained); other passages stood out to me just because they defined a specific doctrine or custom (note: I did not add any of the parentheses--they were included in the translation I read):
Regarding Christians and Jews: 2:59 Verily, they who believe (Muslims), and they who follow the Jewish religion, and the Christians, and the Sabeites--whoever of these believeth in God and the last day, and doeth that which is right, shall have their reward with their Lord: fear shall not come upon them, neither shall they be grieved.
Compare to 5:76-77 Infidels now are they who say, 'God is the Messiah, son of Mary;' for the Messiah said, 'O children of Israel! Worship God my Lord and your Lord.' Whoever shall join other gods with God, God shall forbid him the Garden and his abode shall be the Fire; and the wicked shall have no helpers. They surely are infidels who say, 'God is the third of three:' for there is no God but one God: and if they refrain not from what they say, a grievous chastisement shall light on such of them as are infidels.
And 5:56 O believers! Take not the Jews or Christians as friends. They are but one another's friends. If any of you taketh them for his friends, he surely is one of them! God will not guide the evil doers.
And 5:85 Of all men thou wilt certainly find the Jews, and those who join other gods with God, to be the most intense in hatred of those who believe; and thou shalt certainly find those to be nearest in affection to them who say, 'We are Christians.' This, because some of them are priests and monks, and because they are free from pride.
And 9:30-31 The Jews say, 'Ezra (Ozair) is a son of God; and the Christians say, 'The Messiah is a son of God.' Such the sayings in their mouths! They resemble the saying of the infidels of old! God do battle with them! How are they misguided! They take their teachers, and their monks, and the Messiah, son of Mary, for lords beside God, though bidden to worship one God only. There is no God but He! Far from His glory be what they associate with Him!
I guess this one's aimed at the Catholics: 5:16-17 And when God shall say--'O Jesus, son of Mary: hast thou said unto mankind--'Take me and my mother as two gods, beside God?'' He shall say--'Glory be unto Thee! It is not for me to say that which I know to be not the truth; had I said that, verily Thou wouldest have known it: Thou knowest what is in me, but I know not what is in Thee; for Thou well knowest things unseen! I spake not to them aught but that which Thou didst bid me--'Worship God, my Lord and your Lord;' and I was a witness of their actions while I stayed among them; but since Thou hast taken me to Thyself, Thou hast Thyself watched them and Thou art witness of all things:
3:60 Abraham was neither Jew nor Christian; but he was sound in the faith, a Muslim; and not of those who add gods to God.
Before reading the Koran, I had heard that, despite the claims of terrorists, Islam was actually tolerant of other religions. I received confirmation of that with this quote: 3:79 Whoso desireth any other religion than Islam, that religion shall never be accepted from him, and in the next world he shall be among the lost.
About women: 4:38 Men are superior to women on account of the qualities with which God hath gifted the one above the other, and on account of the outlay they make from their substance for them. Virtuous women are obedient, careful, during the husband's absence, because God hath of them been careful. But chide those for whose refractoriness ye have cause to fear; remove them into beds apart, and scourge them: but if they are obedient to you, then seek not occasion against them: verily, God is high, great!
And how! :P Just kidding, ladies...
4:84 Can they not consider the Koran? Were it from any other than God, they would surely have found in it many contradictions.
Cleaning up the Bible. It's a dirty job--11:51 (regarding the story of Noah) This is one of the secret Histories: We reveal it unto thee: neither thou nor thy people knew it ere this: be patient thou: verily, there is a prosperous issue to the God-fearing.
Also, Sura XII is a retelling of the Old Testament story of Joseph. 12:103 This is one of the secret histories which We reveal unto thee. Thou wast not present with Joseph's brethren when they conceived their design and laid their plot: but the greater part of men, though thou long for it, will not believe.
Additionally, for every quote like this:
6:39 They who gainsay Our signs are deaf, and dumb, in darkness: God will mislead whom He pleaseth, and whom He pleaseth He will place upon the straight path.
There are 10 quotes threatening infidels with eternal punishment for not believing. If God causes their disbelief, what is the punishment for?
I got a kick out of this one. So random: 2:230 But if the husband divorce her a third time, it is not lawful for him to take her again, until she shall have married another husband; and if he also divorce her, then shall no blame attach to them if they return to each other, thinking that they can keep within the bounds fixed by God. And these are the bounds of God; He maketh them clear to those who have knowledge.
A needle in a haystack--2: 265 A kind speech and forgiveness is better than alms followed by injury. God is rich, clement.
As for Jihad, here are a few gems: 2:86-88--And fight for the cause of God against those who fight against you: but commit no the injustice of attacking them first: God loveth not such injustice. And kill them wherever ye shall find them, and eject them from whatever place they have ejected you; for civil discord is worse than carnage: yet attack them not at the Sacred Mosque, unless they attack you therein; but if they attack you, slay them. Such the reward of the infidels. But if they desist, then verily God is gracious, merciful.
Compare with 3:150-152 O ye who believe! Be not like the infidels, who said of their brethren when they had traveled by land or had gone forth to war, "had they kept with us, they had not died, and he not been slain!" God purposed that this affair should cause them heart sorrow! God maketh alive and killeth; and God holdeth your actions. And if ye shall be slain or die on the path of God, then pardon from God and mercy is better than all your amassins; For if ye die or be slain, verily unto God shall ye be gathered.
And 7:13 When they Lord spake unto the angels, 'I will be with you: therefore stablish ye the faithful. I will cast a dread into the hearts of the infidels.' Strike off their heads then, and strike off from them every finger-tip.
And 9:5 And when the sacred months are passed, kill those who join other gods with God wherever ye shall find them; and seize them, besiege them, and lay wait for them with every kind of ambush: but if they shall convert, and observe prayer, and pay the obligatory alms, then let them go their way, for God is gracious, merciful.
And 9:14 So make war on them: By hour hands will God chastise them, and will put them to shame, and will give you victory over them, and will heal the bosoms of a people who believe;
And 9:124 Believers! Wage war against such of the infidels as are your neighbors, and let them find you rigorous: and know that God is with those who fear him.
Such is the Koran. Admittedly, all of the above passages fall in the first half of the book, so it may appear to be an incomplete reflection of the book as a whole. However, as I said before, it is highly repetitive and self-contradictory. So, basically, you could duplicate the above passages, then include some passages that directly oppose those you duplicated, and you would have the rest of the book. Or you can just read the book and see for yourself. By the way, my main purpose for writing blogs like this is just for me to organize my thoughts, and to help me retain whatever I learned from what I read. If this blog offended, enlightened, bored, or converted you to or out of Islam--great!
Or sorry. Whichever applies.
Reading: The Koran
Stylistically, I guess I would compare it to the book of Psalms in the Bible. It is divided into 114 Suras, each of varying length. Some are a few lines, others are almost 200 lines. Each Sura starts with a short title, usually meant to indicate the subject to be covered. However, I found that each Sura would spend a few lines addressing whatever topic was named in the title, and thereafter would fall into the same repeated threats of death and destruction to infidels, the wonder, love and mercy of God, descriptions of Heaven and Hell, etc, etc. Contained in some of the Suras are retellings of well-known biblical stories, because of course, the Bible had been corrupted and needed to be corrected.
Following are several passages that struck me as interesting, usually because they directly contradicted other passages (mind you, I did do my best to review and make sure that I had the best understanding of the context that I could--usually, the contradiction remained); other passages stood out to me just because they defined a specific doctrine or custom (note: I did not add any of the parentheses--they were included in the translation I read):
Regarding Christians and Jews: 2:59 Verily, they who believe (Muslims), and they who follow the Jewish religion, and the Christians, and the Sabeites--whoever of these believeth in God and the last day, and doeth that which is right, shall have their reward with their Lord: fear shall not come upon them, neither shall they be grieved.
Compare to 5:76-77 Infidels now are they who say, 'God is the Messiah, son of Mary;' for the Messiah said, 'O children of Israel! Worship God my Lord and your Lord.' Whoever shall join other gods with God, God shall forbid him the Garden and his abode shall be the Fire; and the wicked shall have no helpers. They surely are infidels who say, 'God is the third of three:' for there is no God but one God: and if they refrain not from what they say, a grievous chastisement shall light on such of them as are infidels.
And 5:56 O believers! Take not the Jews or Christians as friends. They are but one another's friends. If any of you taketh them for his friends, he surely is one of them! God will not guide the evil doers.
And 5:85 Of all men thou wilt certainly find the Jews, and those who join other gods with God, to be the most intense in hatred of those who believe; and thou shalt certainly find those to be nearest in affection to them who say, 'We are Christians.' This, because some of them are priests and monks, and because they are free from pride.
And 9:30-31 The Jews say, 'Ezra (Ozair) is a son of God; and the Christians say, 'The Messiah is a son of God.' Such the sayings in their mouths! They resemble the saying of the infidels of old! God do battle with them! How are they misguided! They take their teachers, and their monks, and the Messiah, son of Mary, for lords beside God, though bidden to worship one God only. There is no God but He! Far from His glory be what they associate with Him!
I guess this one's aimed at the Catholics: 5:16-17 And when God shall say--'O Jesus, son of Mary: hast thou said unto mankind--'Take me and my mother as two gods, beside God?'' He shall say--'Glory be unto Thee! It is not for me to say that which I know to be not the truth; had I said that, verily Thou wouldest have known it: Thou knowest what is in me, but I know not what is in Thee; for Thou well knowest things unseen! I spake not to them aught but that which Thou didst bid me--'Worship God, my Lord and your Lord;' and I was a witness of their actions while I stayed among them; but since Thou hast taken me to Thyself, Thou hast Thyself watched them and Thou art witness of all things:
3:60 Abraham was neither Jew nor Christian; but he was sound in the faith, a Muslim; and not of those who add gods to God.
Before reading the Koran, I had heard that, despite the claims of terrorists, Islam was actually tolerant of other religions. I received confirmation of that with this quote: 3:79 Whoso desireth any other religion than Islam, that religion shall never be accepted from him, and in the next world he shall be among the lost.
About women: 4:38 Men are superior to women on account of the qualities with which God hath gifted the one above the other, and on account of the outlay they make from their substance for them. Virtuous women are obedient, careful, during the husband's absence, because God hath of them been careful. But chide those for whose refractoriness ye have cause to fear; remove them into beds apart, and scourge them: but if they are obedient to you, then seek not occasion against them: verily, God is high, great!
And how! :P Just kidding, ladies...
4:84 Can they not consider the Koran? Were it from any other than God, they would surely have found in it many contradictions.
Cleaning up the Bible. It's a dirty job--11:51 (regarding the story of Noah) This is one of the secret Histories: We reveal it unto thee: neither thou nor thy people knew it ere this: be patient thou: verily, there is a prosperous issue to the God-fearing.
Also, Sura XII is a retelling of the Old Testament story of Joseph. 12:103 This is one of the secret histories which We reveal unto thee. Thou wast not present with Joseph's brethren when they conceived their design and laid their plot: but the greater part of men, though thou long for it, will not believe.
Additionally, for every quote like this:
6:39 They who gainsay Our signs are deaf, and dumb, in darkness: God will mislead whom He pleaseth, and whom He pleaseth He will place upon the straight path.
There are 10 quotes threatening infidels with eternal punishment for not believing. If God causes their disbelief, what is the punishment for?
I got a kick out of this one. So random: 2:230 But if the husband divorce her a third time, it is not lawful for him to take her again, until she shall have married another husband; and if he also divorce her, then shall no blame attach to them if they return to each other, thinking that they can keep within the bounds fixed by God. And these are the bounds of God; He maketh them clear to those who have knowledge.
A needle in a haystack--2: 265 A kind speech and forgiveness is better than alms followed by injury. God is rich, clement.
As for Jihad, here are a few gems: 2:86-88--And fight for the cause of God against those who fight against you: but commit no the injustice of attacking them first: God loveth not such injustice. And kill them wherever ye shall find them, and eject them from whatever place they have ejected you; for civil discord is worse than carnage: yet attack them not at the Sacred Mosque, unless they attack you therein; but if they attack you, slay them. Such the reward of the infidels. But if they desist, then verily God is gracious, merciful.
Compare with 3:150-152 O ye who believe! Be not like the infidels, who said of their brethren when they had traveled by land or had gone forth to war, "had they kept with us, they had not died, and he not been slain!" God purposed that this affair should cause them heart sorrow! God maketh alive and killeth; and God holdeth your actions. And if ye shall be slain or die on the path of God, then pardon from God and mercy is better than all your amassins; For if ye die or be slain, verily unto God shall ye be gathered.
And 7:13 When they Lord spake unto the angels, 'I will be with you: therefore stablish ye the faithful. I will cast a dread into the hearts of the infidels.' Strike off their heads then, and strike off from them every finger-tip.
And 9:5 And when the sacred months are passed, kill those who join other gods with God wherever ye shall find them; and seize them, besiege them, and lay wait for them with every kind of ambush: but if they shall convert, and observe prayer, and pay the obligatory alms, then let them go their way, for God is gracious, merciful.
And 9:14 So make war on them: By hour hands will God chastise them, and will put them to shame, and will give you victory over them, and will heal the bosoms of a people who believe;
And 9:124 Believers! Wage war against such of the infidels as are your neighbors, and let them find you rigorous: and know that God is with those who fear him.
Such is the Koran. Admittedly, all of the above passages fall in the first half of the book, so it may appear to be an incomplete reflection of the book as a whole. However, as I said before, it is highly repetitive and self-contradictory. So, basically, you could duplicate the above passages, then include some passages that directly oppose those you duplicated, and you would have the rest of the book. Or you can just read the book and see for yourself. By the way, my main purpose for writing blogs like this is just for me to organize my thoughts, and to help me retain whatever I learned from what I read. If this blog offended, enlightened, bored, or converted you to or out of Islam--great!
Or sorry. Whichever applies.
Reading: The Koran
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Ja-mee iss-oss-o-yo!
San Angelo, TX. Goodfellow Air Force Base. Two names of places that I've heard a lot about in the last year and a half or so, but never thought I'd make it to. However, I just graduated my extremely short class here, and I'm getting ready to head to Spokane, WA for my survival training (SERE training--look it up on Wikipedia if you want details). And oh am I (not) looking forward to it! Ha, ha...oh well, eh? But the thing that sucks the most is that I've really had a good time here. I've met up with my buddies that left DLI months before I did, and even gotten to meet/get to know others that I had seen around DLI, but never got to know. And now I have to leave! Know what else sucks? Most of them I may not see again for quite some time, since I am aircrew and they are not. I am generally pretty good at keeping in touch with good friends, even if it's only a few times a year that we get a chance to talk, so I'm sure we still have many good times together yet to come. And I'm really looking forward to them! I also like the idea of having friends across the country and even around the world, since I love to travel and they will give me an excuse to do more of it.
I just came off an awesome weekend with Amber, Parker, Bowler, Megan, Kluge, Callan, and Paige. We went to San Antonio for the weekend, did Six Flags Fiesta Texas on Saturday and Sea World on Sunday. Six Flags had almost no lines at all! It seems like we did the whole park several times over in less than 3 or 4 hours. 'Twas heaven. Afterwards, we headed back to our motel rooms and had a blast at the motel pool--I got so trashed! I don't consider myself a lush by any means, but sometimes.... And Saturday night was one of those times. Bowler had his guitar (I had no idea how good he was), so he played and sang and then the motel security lady came around ('Mare Mare' was what she said her friends called her), and she was a character and a half! She played the guitar a little, and even danced a little (at least, I think you could call it dancing....ha, ha--I guess I'm no one to judge, eh? WHITE BOY!) Anyway, later I attempted a back-handspring with the help of Amber and Bowler as spotters. I think I did alright for a drunk first-timer! Only fell on my head once.... Eventually we made it back to our rooms, where a night of hilarious conversation took place until about 0500. You learn something new everyday...
Sunday was Sea World, and it was free for military which made it all the better. Got to pet some dolphins and see some whales, both of which never cease to amaze me. Parker and I were the only ones who wanted to swim, so we took off to the water park portion of the park and chilled in the lazy river, rode the waves in the wave pool, and hit the slides for a bit. I got a little burned, but nothing I can't handle--I am from Phoenix after all.
Hmmm...what else can I write about...I finally got to see Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas for the first time a little while ago. I liked it. Surprisingly. I'm not one for drug movies, but as usual Johnny Depp managed to make it very entertaining. I also saw the Descent. I liked that one too. For the most part any way. I still don't know what the beginning had to do with the plot. Most people I talked to believe that it tied in with that plot twist that happened later in the movie, but I don't really see how. I don't want to go into any detail in case any of y'all who haven't seen it yet but intend to sometime soon are reading this.
I guess that's it for now! Not that I don't have more to type about--I just have dinner plans in a little while. I did just finish the Koran. I'll be writing about that real soon...thanks for reading!
Watching: Home Movies: Season 3 DVD box-set.
I just came off an awesome weekend with Amber, Parker, Bowler, Megan, Kluge, Callan, and Paige. We went to San Antonio for the weekend, did Six Flags Fiesta Texas on Saturday and Sea World on Sunday. Six Flags had almost no lines at all! It seems like we did the whole park several times over in less than 3 or 4 hours. 'Twas heaven. Afterwards, we headed back to our motel rooms and had a blast at the motel pool--I got so trashed! I don't consider myself a lush by any means, but sometimes.... And Saturday night was one of those times. Bowler had his guitar (I had no idea how good he was), so he played and sang and then the motel security lady came around ('Mare Mare' was what she said her friends called her), and she was a character and a half! She played the guitar a little, and even danced a little (at least, I think you could call it dancing....ha, ha--I guess I'm no one to judge, eh? WHITE BOY!) Anyway, later I attempted a back-handspring with the help of Amber and Bowler as spotters. I think I did alright for a drunk first-timer! Only fell on my head once.... Eventually we made it back to our rooms, where a night of hilarious conversation took place until about 0500. You learn something new everyday...
Sunday was Sea World, and it was free for military which made it all the better. Got to pet some dolphins and see some whales, both of which never cease to amaze me. Parker and I were the only ones who wanted to swim, so we took off to the water park portion of the park and chilled in the lazy river, rode the waves in the wave pool, and hit the slides for a bit. I got a little burned, but nothing I can't handle--I am from Phoenix after all.
Hmmm...what else can I write about...I finally got to see Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas for the first time a little while ago. I liked it. Surprisingly. I'm not one for drug movies, but as usual Johnny Depp managed to make it very entertaining. I also saw the Descent. I liked that one too. For the most part any way. I still don't know what the beginning had to do with the plot. Most people I talked to believe that it tied in with that plot twist that happened later in the movie, but I don't really see how. I don't want to go into any detail in case any of y'all who haven't seen it yet but intend to sometime soon are reading this.
I guess that's it for now! Not that I don't have more to type about--I just have dinner plans in a little while. I did just finish the Koran. I'll be writing about that real soon...thanks for reading!
Watching: Home Movies: Season 3 DVD box-set.
Monday, August 7, 2006
A Dismissed Traffic Ticket, A Move to Texas, Six Flags, A Book Report, and some Deep Thoughts..
Alright, so I got a traffic ticket on post here a couple of months ago, for 'failing to stop at a stop sign'. I know...stupid. I love the POM police. The fine was $159! I know...ridiculous. When he did the whole 'Do you know why I stopped you?' schpeel (yes that's how you spell it--I looked it up), I had no idea what to say. When he told me why, I was a little irritated (I did stop, by the way), but I just took the ticket since I know better than to argue with a cop that pulls you over. When I saw the amount of the fine, I decided I would fight it, though I knew I would probably lose--but I'd rather fight and lose than just fork that kind of money over. Well, today was the court date, and I showed up on time and ready to fight! But it was anything but what I expected it would be. I got there, and it was like a mass hearing for 50 other alleged perps. The process was to go like this: a slew of public defenders would sit down with each of us to discuss our case and what we wanted the outcome to be, and then the PDs would go to the slew of prosecutors to try to work out a compromise. If a defendent insisted on pleading not guilty, he would have to make the plea to the judge, and then they would have to schedule ANOTHER court date to settle their ticket. Well, I leave Friday, so that was not going to be possible, so I began to think that I would be parting with $159 today whether I liked it or not. Well, the PD's started by calling one girl up with her mother. And then another PD called me up, and when I got up to him he said these glorious words: "Your ticket has been dismissed. You can go." And I was out. Oh the triumph! It was awesome. Yeah I know I dragged the story on a bit, but it's my blog so I can do that. ;)
As I mentioned before, I leave Friday (actually probably very early Saturday am) for Texas with young A1C SanAngelo. I've got a whole hell of a lot of stuff done for the move already, but there's still quite a bit left to do. I have to get an engine oil/fluids change, I have to weigh my car once empty, and once full of luggage to ensure I get all the pay from Uncle Sam that I'm entitled to for this move, teach SanAngelo how to drive a standard so that I don't have to do all of the driving, and do a few more small outprocessing formalities. But the really cool thing is that we are planning to stop at Six Flags Magic Mountain on our way to Texas--Oh it's going to be awesome! AND the park just happens to be open until midnight on Saturday! Goosebumps...everywhere....
Switching gears--The End of Faith, the book I read last week. Again, excellent book. I just really thought it was really well written, and it gave me a lot to think about personally. It basically just illustrates the influence religion in general has on society and war. The author discusses the fact that most believers' faith are based on elements that defy reason, and this makes any kind of intercommunication between believers of different faiths nearly impossible. I find that point ironic since many of today's larger religions are 'evangelical' in nature and require an ability to reason with nonbelievers in order to win new converts. The author also (again, contrary to what I had have expected) argues against religious pacifism and relativism. The problem I found with this book is the author's insistance that a person be able to show evidence to validate their beliefs. I agree with the concept, but I don't feel that it is practical. Can we legislate what makes valid evidence for religious belief? Is any kind of personal belief legislatable? I can't see how. Still, I see why he entertains the idea. We have people flying planes into buildings and blowing themselves up in large crowds of innocent people with the belief taught by their religious leaders that their actions will land them in a paradise with dozens of virgins just waiting to fulfill their every sexual desire. And unfortunately, such unfounded beliefs are not found only overseas. Anyway, though the subject matter is highly controversial and the author is fairly aggressive in his approach, I would still say that he has managed to handle the subject in a very respectful way. So if you're up for it, give it a read. Agree with it or not, it will make you think.
Okay, I'm out.
Reading: The Return of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
As I mentioned before, I leave Friday (actually probably very early Saturday am) for Texas with young A1C SanAngelo. I've got a whole hell of a lot of stuff done for the move already, but there's still quite a bit left to do. I have to get an engine oil/fluids change, I have to weigh my car once empty, and once full of luggage to ensure I get all the pay from Uncle Sam that I'm entitled to for this move, teach SanAngelo how to drive a standard so that I don't have to do all of the driving, and do a few more small outprocessing formalities. But the really cool thing is that we are planning to stop at Six Flags Magic Mountain on our way to Texas--Oh it's going to be awesome! AND the park just happens to be open until midnight on Saturday! Goosebumps...everywhere....
Switching gears--The End of Faith, the book I read last week. Again, excellent book. I just really thought it was really well written, and it gave me a lot to think about personally. It basically just illustrates the influence religion in general has on society and war. The author discusses the fact that most believers' faith are based on elements that defy reason, and this makes any kind of intercommunication between believers of different faiths nearly impossible. I find that point ironic since many of today's larger religions are 'evangelical' in nature and require an ability to reason with nonbelievers in order to win new converts. The author also (again, contrary to what I had have expected) argues against religious pacifism and relativism. The problem I found with this book is the author's insistance that a person be able to show evidence to validate their beliefs. I agree with the concept, but I don't feel that it is practical. Can we legislate what makes valid evidence for religious belief? Is any kind of personal belief legislatable? I can't see how. Still, I see why he entertains the idea. We have people flying planes into buildings and blowing themselves up in large crowds of innocent people with the belief taught by their religious leaders that their actions will land them in a paradise with dozens of virgins just waiting to fulfill their every sexual desire. And unfortunately, such unfounded beliefs are not found only overseas. Anyway, though the subject matter is highly controversial and the author is fairly aggressive in his approach, I would still say that he has managed to handle the subject in a very respectful way. So if you're up for it, give it a read. Agree with it or not, it will make you think.
Okay, I'm out.
Reading: The Return of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Post-Korean blog. The first of many...
Well, I've been wanting to really start blogging for a while now, but Korean just kept getting in the way. And now that's no longer the case! Learning this language has been the biggest challenge for me. You know how you're about to take a test or do some other feat that will measure your abilities, and deep down you know you'll be fine but you tell yourself and others that you are worried just for the sake of modesty or 'just in case' of the unlikely event that you don't do as well as you think you will? Well, that was never the case for me while learning Korean. There's no doubt that I worked my ass off to pass the DLPT, but despite that I new I was working hard to achieve my goal, there were so many times when I just didn't feel like I could do enough. So many times I felt that failure was inevitable. It was the worst feeling. Everytime I thought about my approaching graduation date, I kept feeling as though I was on the good side of a catastrophe. It's such a relief to find out that I was actually on the sucky side of achievement. And now that I am here, I feel such gratitude to my family and friends for their faith, and to my teachers for putting 200 percent of everything they have into our class. It nearly brings tears to my eyes. As I continue to pursue my college degree, if I am blessed to have professors with only half the talent, skill, enthusiasm, and encouragement as any one of my teachers, I will truly be a lucky man.
Now that I have some extra time on my hands, I have taken to watching all the movies I've wanted to watch, but didn't have the time; playing video games; hanging out with my buddies; and reading the books that I've been wanting to read. I just finished an excellent book called "The End of Faith", it was recommended to me by Liu ('Alex' in my myspace list of friends), and whether you agree with the author or not (I do, for the most part), it is extremely thought-provoking. I plan to reflect further on it and write a blog about it in the near future (so stay tuned!). I have also tried to read an Ann Coulter book ("Slander: Liberal Lies About the American Right"), but it just isn't keeping my interest. I have a hard time respecting a person who slams people ("liberals") for doing the exact same thing that she does (insulting and lying about people she disagrees with). I also shake my head at these people who believe that there are only two groups of people in America: Liberals and Conservatives. In my own experience, each individual (including myself) is at least a little of both. And I think that the myth of the Conservative vs. Liberal conflict is contributing considerably to the social problems in this country. But those are just my thoughts on the subject.
Anyway, I'm out for now. Thanks for reading! Responses are always welcome...
Reading: The End of Faith: Religion, Terror and the Future of Reason by Sam Harris
Now that I have some extra time on my hands, I have taken to watching all the movies I've wanted to watch, but didn't have the time; playing video games; hanging out with my buddies; and reading the books that I've been wanting to read. I just finished an excellent book called "The End of Faith", it was recommended to me by Liu ('Alex' in my myspace list of friends), and whether you agree with the author or not (I do, for the most part), it is extremely thought-provoking. I plan to reflect further on it and write a blog about it in the near future (so stay tuned!). I have also tried to read an Ann Coulter book ("Slander: Liberal Lies About the American Right"), but it just isn't keeping my interest. I have a hard time respecting a person who slams people ("liberals") for doing the exact same thing that she does (insulting and lying about people she disagrees with). I also shake my head at these people who believe that there are only two groups of people in America: Liberals and Conservatives. In my own experience, each individual (including myself) is at least a little of both. And I think that the myth of the Conservative vs. Liberal conflict is contributing considerably to the social problems in this country. But those are just my thoughts on the subject.
Anyway, I'm out for now. Thanks for reading! Responses are always welcome...
Reading: The End of Faith: Religion, Terror and the Future of Reason by Sam Harris
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Blog vs. Survey
It seems like I've been wanting to set up a blog forever now. One of the two largest reasons I decided to join the most disfunctional, disorganized and disgruntled organization in the world, the US military, was to be able to travel and see the world, and to write about and discuss my new experiences as I do so. Now that I'm finally starting to blog, I have to say I'm a little nervous. I don't know why, it's not as though a million people will read it. It's just that millions of people COULD read it if for some reason if they wanted to. And that's a little freaky, considering that it puts the blogger in a vulnerable position. Which actually leads me to my main point for this entry...blog vs. survey.
I chose not to fill out one of those long surveys about my personality and interests and post it on myspace for a reason. While I think they're funny/entertaining, they fall short of adequately representing the person in my opinion. Usually because people are TRYING to be funny/entertaining, rather than revealing. Besides, people usually answer survey questions with similar answers, if not exactly the same. So what's the point?
People reveal the most about themselves through complete sentences, thoughts and discussions, and the closest way to reach that in written online form is the blog. The vulnerability felt is the whole point of the blog, and the avoidance of vulnerability is the whole point of the survey. Therefore, I blog.
--Deep thoughts by Duty.
Reading: Disappointment With God by Philip Yancey.
I chose not to fill out one of those long surveys about my personality and interests and post it on myspace for a reason. While I think they're funny/entertaining, they fall short of adequately representing the person in my opinion. Usually because people are TRYING to be funny/entertaining, rather than revealing. Besides, people usually answer survey questions with similar answers, if not exactly the same. So what's the point?
People reveal the most about themselves through complete sentences, thoughts and discussions, and the closest way to reach that in written online form is the blog. The vulnerability felt is the whole point of the blog, and the avoidance of vulnerability is the whole point of the survey. Therefore, I blog.
--Deep thoughts by Duty.
Reading: Disappointment With God by Philip Yancey.
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