It was pointed out to me that I haven’t blogged in a while, so here I am. First off, Erik and I broke up last Tuesday. He got a surprise job opportunity in L.A. a couple weeks ago that was very enticing to him, and things deteriorated after that. For a while at first he sounded certain he was going to take the job, but recently he has indicated some reservation. Who knows? I have racked my brain for solutions that would avoid our breaking up, but to no avail. I’m still confused about what his feelings for me actually are. He has been through A LOT in the last couple of months, so it’s understandable that he’s emotionally disheveled himself. In any case, I miss him and I still wish it would work out, but I feel like I have done everything that I can do to try and help the situation. In the end, I want to be with someone who wants to (and is able to) be with me too. He’s a great guy, and we’re still friends; it’s just sad and awkward for now.
As a result of our breakup, I have been re-evaluating all major aspects of my life. I definitely want a relationship, but I’m really in no hurry. A little casual dating sounds like fun for now. We’ll see what happens. I also want a job and a more active social life. In order to help me achieve these things, I have decided to take my friends Ned and Chris up on their long-standing offer to move into the extra room in their house. This will get me the hell back out of Apache Junction (which I haven’t actually minded, except for the distance from everything and everyone else in my life), and into Phoenix. Hopefully it’ll take them a while before they get sick of me (as if they could, right? You know that’s what you were thinking…). My New York dream is still alive and well, but I don’t feel like concentrating too much on it right now. I’m still applying for jobs there, among a few other cities, but I’m really enjoying being home in the Valley for now. Nothing like the strength that comes from being around family and friends. Plus, I’ve met some awesome new people, and I’d like to meet more.
I was recently reflecting on my life as it was a year ago, and comparing what it is now to what I thought it might be back then (does that make sense?). I think I was most concerned with getting used to being openly gay again a year ago, getting ready to separate from the Air Force and wondering how my military friends were going to react to my coming out, etc. Of course, I also wondered if and where I would be working by now. Little did I know I would still be unemployed and living with my parents! (That’s what I get for being lazy I guess…) But given the support I received from everyone, and the comfort level I have with being gay now, I can’t complain too much in that respect. It’s weird, but in certain situations, especially around strangers, I’m still hesitant to “out” myself. I wonder how that’s going to play out when I finally get a job. I don’t want to be obnoxious or in anybody’s face about it at work, but I definitely don’t want to hide it. I think it’s just gonna take practice and experience to determine what I’m most comfortable with. I’ve heard it said, coming out of the closet is a life-long process.
On a side note, have I mentioned I love my dog? He’s just awesome! Playful, smart, strong, loving, obedient, well-behaved, beautiful, highly sociable, protective but not at all aggressive--I could go on and on about him. And he follows me everywhere. I should have named him “my buddy”. I think I just dated myself…
I had a pretty busy weekend. Drank some brews and watched “Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs” in 3D (it was pretty damn funny, actually…) on Friday with some good friends, went to a birthday party on Saturday, and went to the Pink concert Sunday evening. Not bad.
Lord help me get through this semester. I mean, Invisible Pink Unicorn help me get through this semester. (www.invisiblepinkunicorn.com, if you’re confused…)
Alright, this posting is getting rambley. Take care everybody! Yes, both of you. That is all.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Update
Bill's home from the hospital. He got home last Thursday after a week and a half stay. He was heavily sedated and unconscious for the first four days in the ICU, since he was hooked up to a breathing tube and a slew of other invasive gadgets. Every time they would try to wake him up to see if he could breathe on his own, he would get highly combative and start ripping IVs outta his body. So, they'd have to put him back under. They did several tests of his brain, heart and lungs and found little more than a severe case of pneumonia. After much deliberation, the doctors finally decided that his seizure was most likely caused by a combination of the severe pneumonia, the intense heat outside in which he was sitting at the time, and a fever he must not have known he had. No stroke or heart attack, thankfully. But truthfully, I'd have preferred a more convincing diagnosis. It really sounds to me like they have no clue what caused it! I hope it doesn't happen again. Incidentally, did you know that, at least in the state of Arizona, your driver's license is automatically suspended for 90 days following a seizure? I did not. But it makes sense.
Yesterday was Erik's 28th birthday, and it went pretty well all things considered. For those of you who don't know, Erik was diagnosed with stage 2 prostate cancer about three weeks ago, and he started chemo-therapy two weeks ago. The prognosis is very good, but the chemo is a bitch! He gets horrible headaches, nausea, body aches, and a smorgasbord of other intense pains. I planned a dinner at Postino downtown, and it was a blast! Erik felt pretty good till around 9pm, like clockwork, and then we went home afterward. Three weeks from tomorrow is his final anticipated treatment, and it can't come soon enough for either one of us! But it really sucks to be him right now. The worst part for me is that there is really nothing I can do to help him. It's EXTREMELY frustrating!
I start my final class for my philosophy degree two weeks tomorrow, and I am pumped! Can't wait to get that piece of paper in December. I'm also starting to study for my LSAT, which I hope to take before the end of the year. Then it should be onto law school. This past week has been the first that I've really started searching for a job. I submitted a few applications, and I'll start again next week. Wish me luck! Or hook me up if you know a law firm that is hiring for their support staff! ;D
Yesterday was Erik's 28th birthday, and it went pretty well all things considered. For those of you who don't know, Erik was diagnosed with stage 2 prostate cancer about three weeks ago, and he started chemo-therapy two weeks ago. The prognosis is very good, but the chemo is a bitch! He gets horrible headaches, nausea, body aches, and a smorgasbord of other intense pains. I planned a dinner at Postino downtown, and it was a blast! Erik felt pretty good till around 9pm, like clockwork, and then we went home afterward. Three weeks from tomorrow is his final anticipated treatment, and it can't come soon enough for either one of us! But it really sucks to be him right now. The worst part for me is that there is really nothing I can do to help him. It's EXTREMELY frustrating!
I start my final class for my philosophy degree two weeks tomorrow, and I am pumped! Can't wait to get that piece of paper in December. I'm also starting to study for my LSAT, which I hope to take before the end of the year. Then it should be onto law school. This past week has been the first that I've really started searching for a job. I submitted a few applications, and I'll start again next week. Wish me luck! Or hook me up if you know a law firm that is hiring for their support staff! ;D
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Bad Day
I woke up this morning and went to lunch in beautiful Tortilla Flat with my family. When we got back home, my mom went in for a nap, I went into my room and started finishing work on my last blog entry, and my step-father Bill watched TV on the front porch. After about an hour, I heard the dogs barking in the living room. They were barking a little more intensely than they usually do when they play, but I didn't think much of it. Thankfully, I decided to check on them anyway. When I got to the living room, I saw both dogs staring intently out the living room window with their ears up, looking alert. I glanced out the window to see Bill's chair tipped completely over, and Bill lying on his side in front of the table, convulsing. Then the adrenaline started rushing. I rushed outside yelling his name, but he was not responding. He was just shaking, and he had turned bluish-purple. I ran back into the house yelling for my mom as loud as I could and searching for the phone. I grabbed it, and my mom came out wondering what was wrong. I told her Bill was in a seizure, and she rushed outside yelling his name. I followed her, dialing 911 at the same time. She kept yelling his name, and the terror and helplessness in her voice, and the look on her face while she was doing it was probably one of the most heart-wrenching experiences I've had so far. I wasn't sure if he was breathing, but I knew the blue tint of his face wasn't a good sign. I rolled him on his back to start CPR, hoping that I would remember it correctly, all the while talking to 911. Fortunately, when he was on his back he started breathing. But he had no awareness. He was staring straight again and was not responding. His breathing was exaggerated, and he had a weird rustic colored saliva on his lips. (Had he bit his tongue? I still don't know.) The 911 operator instructed me to monitor his breathing while emergency personnel made their way to our house. Shortly after, two police arrived. We cleared the patio for the EMTs and firemen who were also on their way. They arrived very shortly afterward. Between the time I put Bill on his back and help arrived, he had gotten a little more responsive. Enough to fight with the EMTs as they tried to help him. Eventually, they had to strap him down to the gurney, heavily sedate him, and take him to the hospital where he is now with my mom. At this point, they have scanned his brain to look for signs of a stroke, but have found nothing. Now they are performing a CT scan on his lungs. And we are hoping for the best, but trying to prepare for the worst. I'm so glad we have smart dogs.
Books, Books, Books...
So over the last year or so, I have been reading some good stuff that I've been wanting to comment on. All non-fiction, all based in atheism. The synopses:
The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. Pretty well-known and controversial book. Well written, strongly argued, and even amusing. One of the strongest arguments is against the belief that the world, because of its complexity, had to be created by a being like God. Dawkins's position is that, based on the same logic, any being capable of creating all of this would also have to be at least as complex as his creation, and therefore would also require a creator. That creator would also have to be at least as complex as its creation, and would thus also would have had to have been created by a creator, ad infinitum. On that basis, theism fails. Pretty sound reasoning in my opinion. I also appreciated his objection to many theists' (those who believe in God) false belief that atheists have no appreciation for life, morality, emotions, or the whole human experience overall. He also rejects the common practice, rooted in political correctness, of excusing religious beliefs from the same scrutiny and criticism applied to all other claims and beliefs in society. The fact of the matter is, they all make strong, historical 'truth' claims. They are at least as susceptible, if not more, to critical inquiry. Finally in touching detail, he describes the funeral of the teenaged son of a very good friend of his, both atheists (the father and deceased son), and how instead of speculating on the unlikely afterlife the now-deceased son was probably not experiencing, they celebrated his life and the time they all had to share with him. It sounded like the type of funeral I would like for myself. Excellent book.
The Lucifer Principle by Howard Bloom. This one also caused quite a splash when it was published. Highly controversial, but also highly praised, it endeavors to explore the role that 'evil' plays in human survival and evolution. It's pretty heavy on scientific documentation. In fact, after the first printing when several opponents criticized it for making unsubstantiated scientific claims, the author went back and added a load of references to back them up. It's been ridiculously long since I read it, so it's pretty stale in my mind. But I remember being appalled at the historically documented attrocities committed by mankind since it's been on the scene. Disgusting and distrubing, but fascinating, thought-provoking, and convincing.
The Quotable Atheist compiled by Jack Huberman. Just a book of quotes by atheists (and some theists), listed alphabetically by person. Some goodies: "Christian Fundamentalism: The doctrine that there is an absolutely pwerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe-spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about my sex life." (Anonymous, pg. 11) "Truth does not demand belief. Scientists donot join hands every Sunday, singing, 'yes, gravity is real! I will have faith! I will be strong! I believe in my heart that what goes up, up, up must come down....Amen!' If they did, we would think they were pretty insecure about it." (Dan Barker, pg. 30) "Nearly every human group has created something in the way of a religion, no two of which are the same. When something is based on reality, like mathematics or scientific medicine, groups of people independently arrive at the same answers....This is one good way to tell the difference between shit and shinola." (Greg Erwin, pg. 108) "Life in Lubbock, Texas taught me two things. One is that God love you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, dirty thing on the face of the earth and you should save it for someone you love." (Butch Hancock, pg 138) "Tell a devout Christian this his wife is cheating on him, or that frozen yogurt can make a man invisible, and he is likely to require as much evidence as anyone else, and to be persuaded only to the extent that you give it. Tell him that the book he keeps by his bed was written by an invisible deity who will punish him with fire for eternity if he fails to accept its every incredible claim about the universe, and he seems to require no evidence whatsoever." (Sam Harris, pg 140) "You're a group of Christian-based, conservative organizations with several million dollars to spend. Do you: feed the hungry? Clothe the poor? Don't be so naive! You blow the millions on a series of slickly-worded, logic-bending ads espousing a widely-discredited theory that onc can be 'cured' of homosexuality through counseling and prayer." (MAD magazine, pg. 196) "In some awful, strange, paradoxical way, atheists tend to take religion more seriously than the practitioners." (Sir Jonahtan Miller, pg 212) "I like to browse in occult bookshops if for no other reason than to refresh my commitment to science." (Heinz Pagels, pg. 232) "It is not God that is worshipped by the group or authority that claims to speak in His name. Sin becomes disobedience to authority, not violation of integrity." (Sir Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan, pg. 247)
The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. Pretty well-known and controversial book. Well written, strongly argued, and even amusing. One of the strongest arguments is against the belief that the world, because of its complexity, had to be created by a being like God. Dawkins's position is that, based on the same logic, any being capable of creating all of this would also have to be at least as complex as his creation, and therefore would also require a creator. That creator would also have to be at least as complex as its creation, and would thus also would have had to have been created by a creator, ad infinitum. On that basis, theism fails. Pretty sound reasoning in my opinion. I also appreciated his objection to many theists' (those who believe in God) false belief that atheists have no appreciation for life, morality, emotions, or the whole human experience overall. He also rejects the common practice, rooted in political correctness, of excusing religious beliefs from the same scrutiny and criticism applied to all other claims and beliefs in society. The fact of the matter is, they all make strong, historical 'truth' claims. They are at least as susceptible, if not more, to critical inquiry. Finally in touching detail, he describes the funeral of the teenaged son of a very good friend of his, both atheists (the father and deceased son), and how instead of speculating on the unlikely afterlife the now-deceased son was probably not experiencing, they celebrated his life and the time they all had to share with him. It sounded like the type of funeral I would like for myself. Excellent book.
The Lucifer Principle by Howard Bloom. This one also caused quite a splash when it was published. Highly controversial, but also highly praised, it endeavors to explore the role that 'evil' plays in human survival and evolution. It's pretty heavy on scientific documentation. In fact, after the first printing when several opponents criticized it for making unsubstantiated scientific claims, the author went back and added a load of references to back them up. It's been ridiculously long since I read it, so it's pretty stale in my mind. But I remember being appalled at the historically documented attrocities committed by mankind since it's been on the scene. Disgusting and distrubing, but fascinating, thought-provoking, and convincing.
The Quotable Atheist compiled by Jack Huberman. Just a book of quotes by atheists (and some theists), listed alphabetically by person. Some goodies: "Christian Fundamentalism: The doctrine that there is an absolutely pwerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe-spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about my sex life." (Anonymous, pg. 11) "Truth does not demand belief. Scientists donot join hands every Sunday, singing, 'yes, gravity is real! I will have faith! I will be strong! I believe in my heart that what goes up, up, up must come down....Amen!' If they did, we would think they were pretty insecure about it." (Dan Barker, pg. 30) "Nearly every human group has created something in the way of a religion, no two of which are the same. When something is based on reality, like mathematics or scientific medicine, groups of people independently arrive at the same answers....This is one good way to tell the difference between shit and shinola." (Greg Erwin, pg. 108) "Life in Lubbock, Texas taught me two things. One is that God love you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, dirty thing on the face of the earth and you should save it for someone you love." (Butch Hancock, pg 138) "Tell a devout Christian this his wife is cheating on him, or that frozen yogurt can make a man invisible, and he is likely to require as much evidence as anyone else, and to be persuaded only to the extent that you give it. Tell him that the book he keeps by his bed was written by an invisible deity who will punish him with fire for eternity if he fails to accept its every incredible claim about the universe, and he seems to require no evidence whatsoever." (Sam Harris, pg 140) "You're a group of Christian-based, conservative organizations with several million dollars to spend. Do you: feed the hungry? Clothe the poor? Don't be so naive! You blow the millions on a series of slickly-worded, logic-bending ads espousing a widely-discredited theory that onc can be 'cured' of homosexuality through counseling and prayer." (MAD magazine, pg. 196) "In some awful, strange, paradoxical way, atheists tend to take religion more seriously than the practitioners." (Sir Jonahtan Miller, pg 212) "I like to browse in occult bookshops if for no other reason than to refresh my commitment to science." (Heinz Pagels, pg. 232) "It is not God that is worshipped by the group or authority that claims to speak in His name. Sin becomes disobedience to authority, not violation of integrity." (Sir Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan, pg. 247)
The New Blog
With the fall of Myspace, I needed a new place for my thoughts so here it is. I transferred all of my myspace blogs to this one as well. What can I say? I'm kind of an ideas pack rat.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Weird Coincidence
So my puppy woke me up this morning to go outside and pee as usual. I got up and took him out of his crate and proceeded to the front door. As I opened the door, I looked outside to see something I never would have expected in a million years--a full-grown, purebred stray Rottweiler sitting on a chair on our front porch. As soon as he saw me open the door, he got up and walked towards me--it scared the hell out of me! I mean, anyone who knows me knows how much I love rotts, but a large stray dog of any breed is something to be cautious of. So, I got my parents up to help me with my puppy and managing the stray. He turned out to be EXTREMELY friendly and cooperative. We put him in the pen we have in our yard, gave him food and water, dressed a small wound on his front left paw, and discussed what to do with him. He had no tags. He was with us for a couple of hours, and I was loving hanging out with him and petting him. My sister came over with her SUV, and we loaded him up in the back. I rode in the back with him and comforted him while we took him to the Apache Junction Animal Clinic, aka the pound. I hated taking him there. If I was in a better living situation, I would have kept him myself. So now, he is in the hands of the pound. I emailed the Phoenix area rottweiler rescue to let them know about him, and hopefully they will come get him if the pound doesn't find a home for him. If you live in the Phoenix area, and you're interested in having a very beautiful, smart and friendly dog, please adopt this one! He is a purebreed--no doubt at all. Which makes him quite a bargain for the amount of money you can get him from the pound. If you don't live in Phoenix, but would like to have him, I'd be very glad to help get him to you. Just let me know! It would be a crime for such a good and beautiful dog to be euthanized.
Watching: The Lair: The Complete First Season on DVD
Watching: The Lair: The Complete First Season on DVD
Sunday, January 11, 2009
I'm Gay
I've actually been "out of the closet" (in varying degrees) for about a decade now, so my family, most of my civilian friends and a very select few of my military friends have known for quite a while. This blog is really just to make sure that everyone is up to speed on it, particularly those of you in the military and a couple of you non-military folks. If you have any questions, or wish to discuss it further, don't hesitate to hit me up. Otherwise, that should about cover it for now. Oh yeah, and today I am officially out of the Air Force. WOOOOOO HOOOOOO!
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