Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

It was pointed out to me that I haven’t blogged in a while, so here I am. First off, Erik and I broke up last Tuesday. He got a surprise job opportunity in L.A. a couple weeks ago that was very enticing to him, and things deteriorated after that. For a while at first he sounded certain he was going to take the job, but recently he has indicated some reservation. Who knows? I have racked my brain for solutions that would avoid our breaking up, but to no avail. I’m still confused about what his feelings for me actually are. He has been through A LOT in the last couple of months, so it’s understandable that he’s emotionally disheveled himself. In any case, I miss him and I still wish it would work out, but I feel like I have done everything that I can do to try and help the situation. In the end, I want to be with someone who wants to (and is able to) be with me too. He’s a great guy, and we’re still friends; it’s just sad and awkward for now.

As a result of our breakup, I have been re-evaluating all major aspects of my life. I definitely want a relationship, but I’m really in no hurry. A little casual dating sounds like fun for now. We’ll see what happens. I also want a job and a more active social life. In order to help me achieve these things, I have decided to take my friends Ned and Chris up on their long-standing offer to move into the extra room in their house. This will get me the hell back out of Apache Junction (which I haven’t actually minded, except for the distance from everything and everyone else in my life), and into Phoenix. Hopefully it’ll take them a while before they get sick of me (as if they could, right? You know that’s what you were thinking…). My New York dream is still alive and well, but I don’t feel like concentrating too much on it right now. I’m still applying for jobs there, among a few other cities, but I’m really enjoying being home in the Valley for now. Nothing like the strength that comes from being around family and friends. Plus, I’ve met some awesome new people, and I’d like to meet more.

I was recently reflecting on my life as it was a year ago, and comparing what it is now to what I thought it might be back then (does that make sense?). I think I was most concerned with getting used to being openly gay again a year ago, getting ready to separate from the Air Force and wondering how my military friends were going to react to my coming out, etc. Of course, I also wondered if and where I would be working by now. Little did I know I would still be unemployed and living with my parents! (That’s what I get for being lazy I guess…) But given the support I received from everyone, and the comfort level I have with being gay now, I can’t complain too much in that respect. It’s weird, but in certain situations, especially around strangers, I’m still hesitant to “out” myself. I wonder how that’s going to play out when I finally get a job. I don’t want to be obnoxious or in anybody’s face about it at work, but I definitely don’t want to hide it. I think it’s just gonna take practice and experience to determine what I’m most comfortable with. I’ve heard it said, coming out of the closet is a life-long process.

On a side note, have I mentioned I love my dog? He’s just awesome! Playful, smart, strong, loving, obedient, well-behaved, beautiful, highly sociable, protective but not at all aggressive--I could go on and on about him. And he follows me everywhere. I should have named him “my buddy”. I think I just dated myself…

I had a pretty busy weekend. Drank some brews and watched “Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs” in 3D (it was pretty damn funny, actually…) on Friday with some good friends, went to a birthday party on Saturday, and went to the Pink concert Sunday evening. Not bad.

Lord help me get through this semester. I mean, Invisible Pink Unicorn help me get through this semester. (www.invisiblepinkunicorn.com, if you’re confused…)

Alright, this posting is getting rambley. Take care everybody! Yes, both of you. That is all.